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Question
Posted by: Cool | 2003/02/25

too much time bad for relationship?

Hi everyone

I woudl like to know whether too much time spent with ones partner is a bad thing when I say too much time, I mean everyday for just over a year now... You see, last night out of the blue my boyfriend called me, woke me up, and told me that he needs some time alone. He feels that he needs some space and private time as we spend too much time together and he feels asif I am monitoring him and want to know too much, and questions everything he does, to a certain extent he is right. It is just that we broke up so many times in this year and made up the same day as I dont believe in going to bed with unresolved problems... We do not live together but I see him everyday, he claims that he is losing his individuality and feels a bit suffocated in this relationship...
This morning on my way to work I picked him up from home and agreed to see one another over weekends. I hope that this is a right decision as I feel that I need some private time too... We are both stressed people due to our career and part time studies. Was it the right decision to spend the whole week alone and only see one another over weekends?
I am fealing uneasy about this decision and hope that its not going cause us drifting further apart...
We both love each other dearly...

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Dear cool,
There are no absolute right and wrong answers to such questions. If whatever amount of time a couple are spending together is causing some distress to either or both of them, then maybe it is too much. If you are both engaged in busy, highly stressed jobs, especially if these themselves include a high degree of stressful people contact, it would be very understandable that you might both value more quiet time. This may include time spent alone, preferably on peaceful and relaxing pastimes ; and perhaps also choosing to spend some of your time together in less demanding, quiet pursuits, lisening to quiet music, reading --- even if in the same room, not necessarily conversing and active.
It is possible for folks to work too hard at a relationship, without enjoying some time to just let it be.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Cool | 2003/02/25

Thank you dearly for these wonderful responses. I really appreciate it...

Reply to Cool
Posted by: Paul | 2003/02/25

Definately not a bad idea.

When we are young we still need time to do things away from our significant other. Partnership is something that comes with lots of time, as our daily doings slowly start entwining until we operate as one. You can even see this in succesful marrainges. The hubby goes to a cricket match with his mates, the wife goes shopping with girlfriends etc etc. It is easy to feel smothered if you see everyone every day. I would advise against only weekends -its too rigid- but rather to see each other when the need arises. You will probably find that the "new found freedom" lasts a month or so and then he will out of his own accord, start seeking more time with you. Remember absence makes the heart grow fonder. Take it slow and live your lives and tie up when you need to. It is always nice to retain a sense of individuality in any relationship and if the trust and fidility need not be questioned its a healthy thing to do.

Please keep us posted.

Reply to Paul

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