Posted by: Key | 2008/08/19

too much shouting

Please can you help me I am at witts begining! My son is not yet a teen but getting there, he will be 12 shortly. Please help me, how can I control my shouting at him? He is a very good, caring, supportive boy and he will do anything for me, but I continually and uncontrollably shout at him 24/7. I shout because he doesn'  t think and messes every room in the house, he is lazy and I feel like something is slipping away. We get on quite well but honestly every time I see the poor chap, I give him something to do, like go and clean your room! What is your stuff doing in the lounch? Throw your papers away! etc etc. How can I stop been such a horrible mother before I lose him completely and he ends up hating me? Sometimes I think I must bite my hand when I feel I am begining to moan. How can I realise that he is also an individual person? Every night when I fall asleep I promise it will be different but then morning comes and I get instantly annoyed with him cos he dordles and doesn'  t understand the urgencies in life. Whats worse is my husband also gives him a go for the same reasons. I feel very guilty but my husband says he must learn to pick up after himself. I think he has just switched off to the both of us cos all we do is moan. PLEASE HELP

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

It sounds as though the problem you are describing is really not about the boy, but about you, and your degree of temper and inappropriate anger. Why are you seeing yourself as the works foreman, giving him jobs to do, rather than just relaxing and being a mother ? See a personal shrink / counsellor first, to sort out your anger problems, and clarify what is fair ( and some of it surely is ) and what may be excessive expectations from the boy ? And with your shrink you can work out better ways of organizing simple discipline in the family, to help encourage the boy to behave well --- and especially to reward and encourage him when he DOES behave well. <br>And if your husband is a co-instigator in all this, maybe the pair of you should start by seeing a marriage counsellor with the same purpose

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: For Alison | 2008/08/20

Dear Alison, thank you for your advise. You have hit the nail on the head but how did you pick up about me been over emotional? What in my son' s or my behaviour shouts this out in your eyes. I am very eager to know because like I said you hit it spot on and that must be the problem. I value and appreciate your help. I think the Cyber doc misunderstood me a little bit because I am a good mother and do reward him all the time for good behaviour. Regards

Reply to For Alison
Posted by: Alison | 2008/08/19

the way a child behaves is always indicative of how the parent behaves towards him/her
look within yourself.
maybe you are too critical or over emotional yourlsef

Reply to Alison

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