Posted by: Lea | 2004/11/06

Too late to change

I would like to say to seal that it may be too late to change. i tried changing in my 40s and although I knew for sure that I was closer to my authentic self it brought lots of heartache to me and my family and the only change is that I now truly dislike my husband and bitterly regret not changing myself sooner . Although i know now how I would like to live my life, I can't do anything about it because I have been living differently with my husband for so long that the only way to change is to get right away and I can't hurt my children and grandchild whom I love so dearly and have no money of my own. I am resigned to frustration and despair for the rest of my life.Please every woman out there- get youself sorted out before you have children. Their pull on your heartstrings keeps you close to them even if it means staying in a horrible marriage.

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Our expert says:
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As you suggest, lea, though it is possible, and often useful to make major changes in your style in later life, it can be disconcerting for families and friends who are used to you functioning in the old way --- in a way, they're being asked to change, too, in their expectations and interactions with you.
That isn't to say that one should give up and NOT try to change for the better, at any age, but it's importaqnt to recognize that there will be such resistance, and Ialways like to build this into therapy, to look at who else will be affected by your changes and progress, and to plan and prepare for how to deal with them.

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