Our expert says:
Fortunately you are definitely not too broken to love. But what puzzles me is that you seem to be describing a classical, typical severe Eating Disorder, yet you don't mention anyone having ever recognized this, and you don't speak of having received any expert treatment and help for it. This can be a very miserable disorder to have, yet can respond really well to treatment.
I'm puzzled by your reference to Clonazepam, as I can't think of any good medical reason why anyone should have been placed on such a drug, especially in your condition, and surely not for a decade. Congratulations on getting yourself off it ; avoid any doctor who wants to prescribe it or its relatives to you in the future.
See a psychiatrist and psychologist specializing in eating disorders, for a full assessment and a discussion of treatment options. CBT ( Cognitive-Behaviour therapy ( is excellent for identifying and revising all the bad habits of assumptions, thought and behaviour that have so deformed your ability to lead and enjoy a normal life, and you can become free from the obsession with your appearance and with what you imagine other people might think about it. Actually, the truth about most other people is that they are much too selfish and self-absorbed to notice and pay attention to you. Very few people actually find it attractive to see someone 's bones showing ( except perhaps for some very disturbed people in Pro-Ana sites ). You have bones, of course, or you'd be a sort of puddle on the floor, but you don't need to show them off, any more than someone bragging about their pancreas or ears.
You are of great worth because you are You, whatever size or shape you may have. Once you manage, with proper expert psychological help, to start eating normally, and exploring and learning to love all the good parts about you, you will be more free to love and to allow yourself to be loved, in turn.
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