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Question
Posted by: Baby | 2003/12/02

Too afraid to commit

I was in a relationship with a guy for a period of five years then it ended when i found my then b/f in a house we once shared living with another woman, after i went home for two weeks to visit my parents. We talked about it and he said it point blank in front of that woman that he wants nothing to do with me anymore i should move on with my life. We have a 4 year old daughter together who I am now raising on my own. He used to do some painful things to me the time we were still together that I ended up thinking that all men were like him. I t went to an extend that after our separation I still find it difficult to commit to any relationship. I know in my heart that at some point I have to move on with my life learn to love again and enjoy my life again. The problem is that it's just not happening and it hurts me like hell. The relationship was emotionally abusive because of the hurtful things he used to say to me, but bcoz of the baby I stayed thinking that maybe things will get better someday but they never did, instead they got worse. I am no longer angry at my ex for all the hell he put me through for the years we've been together. The thing is I am afraid that someone might hurt me the way he did. I really need help. Bcoz it's bee three years since we've separated I feel so lonely it's frustrating at times, but I am afraid to commit bcoz I know how painful it is to love someone who is rejecting you. Please help!

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Baby, just because you met a louse once or twice, doesn't mean the world is full of lice --- just that you need to learn to be better skilled at spotting the louse early on, and open to finding the good guys among them. You sound like you could eally benefit from proper counselling, to work through these issues and fre yourself to get on with the enjoyable aspects of life. And see a lawyer ( or the Family Advocate at your local Magistrate's Court ) and make sure you sue the louse for full maintenance for the child ---at least he should pay for his misconduct and selfishness. it sounds like you're well rid of him, and it's the other lady who should be worried now.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Tia | 2003/12/03

we r in the same boat, I can't trust men anymore, I was hurt several times and ultimately decided 2 stay alone and not get involved anymore, bcoz I'm afraid of being hurt again, I don't think I can handle another disappointment. I feel I'm better off specialising in loneliness than being hurt yet again by some dog. I cannot overcome this fear, everytime a guy proposes 2 me, there's this voice in my head saying he's lying 2 u, he just wanna use u, I don't know how I'm going 2 find the right person with this negative attitude of mine. I've actually forgotten about my exes, but still can't bring myself 2 loving someone. Would like 2 hear what other readers have 2 say...........

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