Our expert says:
Try also posting this query on the Parenting forum.
At 3 one hardly feels remorse, so expecting her to say sorry is unrealistic - at this age.
The naughty chair / ignoring / approach is not as easy with someone so young, and also requires one to apply it for longer than you might expect - the TV shows make it all sem so easy and so quick ! Its more like taming a wild horse !
Losing developmental gains, like wetting the bed having been dry, is usually a sign of distress.
And you list several factors that could be causing the wilfulness, temper and wetting you describe. Such as the arrival of a competitive new sib. With an older child it can be easier to enrol the older sib in helping to care for the baby, but at this age at least one might ask her to help with little chores, and give lavish praise for whatever she can manage. "How lucky your little sister is to have such a clever older sister!"
Then koving house, and starting a new class at school, and losing mom on your return back to work - each of these is sufficient, let alone the combination. And your natural responses expecting maybe a bit more discipline than she can manage, probably adds to these effects.
Try to catch her doing things right, and give loads of love and praise for that. Keep reminding her how important she is to you, and how much she is loved.
Maybe try to have some calm chats about how many things are changing for her, praising her for the extent to which she is coping with this, acknowledging that at first it isn't easy but it will get easier, and aim to make her feel competent and potentially competent.
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