Posted by: Liza | 2004/11/22

To: Pillars RE: Boyfriend troubles

1. I'm happy with my career. (not my boss though - but that's another story)
2. My family life is just fine. My sisters, brother and mother are supportive, we visit each other often - even go out and jol together.
3. My spiritual side is getting along fine too. I'm happy with what I believe in as well as what I do to continue in those beliefs.
4. I've go lots of true friends. The kind that I can go out and have fun with - plus who are there for me as a shoulder to cry on. They never turn me down or make me feel bad because of my problems.
5. Healthwise - I'm taking responsibilty for that too - drink my pills religiously, go see my psychiatrist once a week currently since my medication still needs some adjustment.
6. Sure I'm studying. The right guy doesn't need to be studying too however. I would just like him to have some ambition - with goals (like me) and plans to get there (also like me).

I'm afraid your analysis is completely incorrect (actually sounds like the balanced lifestyle session I went to whilst at the clinic - without taking anything I've mentioned into consideration).

I don't want a partner to rely on for the gaps in my life. I want a partner I can rely on fullstop. Not someone who is always there needing me. Relationships are a two-way street. It feels like I'm doing everything in this relationship - making sure HE drinks his pills. I even had to go fetch him from the mall last week - where he wanted to leave his bicycle and have me drop him off at home. Can he afford to buy a new bicycle - NO. Plus he needs it to get to work!

Rather not try to analyze if you have insufficient information.


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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Sounds like a number of good achievements, and a realistic set of expectations.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Pillars | 2004/11/23

I think so too CS! Liza, I did not mean to undermine or judge your stability in various spheres of your life. I was just advising re the necessary required factors for the fulfilling relationship. And this was supposed to apply to you in as much as to him or even myself (generic). I was saying that in the case where those are lacking (unlike your own personal case) those can ruin one's relationship prospects. If for instance this gentleman seems to be lacking on most of these pillars, then that will drain and frustrate you as you will be required to fill up for the missing ones => that causes resentment, anger and frustration to one's partner.

Once again my apologies for misunderstanding.

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