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Posted by: Delene | 2005/12/06

To Pencil:

Hey Pencil. I am in & out of the office & its very busy here. I am not sure if I maybe missed posts, or maybe you didnt inform us at all.
How are you keeping now!? How was your weekend then?
You were so much in my thoughts over the w/end as you were so down & sad.
I do hope you are feeling better & that your life is getting sum direction?

Keep smiling
D

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Posted by: Delene | 2005/12/06

Well Pencil, You made me smile.
You really came a long way now. After reading your posts day in & day out how unhappy you are, this was such a big turn. And i do hope you stick to your decision...And i dont mean by leaving him, I mean to look after yourself first!!.

How nice to also hear you will be following your dream. How many people actually have the guts to do that!!?
Most of us just dream & dream & dream...and thats pretty much where it stays.......I admire you for that...really i do.

With me its going well thank you for asking.
My husband is returning in 2 days. I thought id be more excited....
I'm starting to enjoy myself on my own, ...It very peaceful.
maybe even me am tired of looking after others. Kids, husband (who can also be like a child at times).
So i'm liking to just look after myself & only think about myself. I like to eat outa a can if i wanna and dont need to worry about manners..LOL
Silly things.....But nice.

Njoy your day & glad to hear you are much better.
D

Reply to Delene
Posted by: Pencil | 2005/12/06

Hi Dalene!
I feel special, thanks for asking how I'm doing.
Posted something Monday morning, it went something like this:

the weekend was an eye-opener. and i think i know what to do now. bf ignored me friday night, but i went out and had a great time with family. saturday he ignored me, and i left it - until i started wondering why he doesn't make contact with me at all. i mean.. i also need time to think sometimes, but then i at least sms him to say that i do love him etc. so.. i sms'd him, just to hear how he's doing. on which he replied that he needs time to think (which i was AWARE of) - anyway. to make a long story short... he started sms'ing me again later that afternoon, then he phoned me, when off in my ear for about 45 min (could hear he must've had a few beers - & decided to keep quiet) - then, in the midst of this conversation, made my decision.

this is going to be a great festive season. we are going to spend christmas together, as well as new years eve, even go away for a while, if possible, BUT - i must get out of this relationship. because i can't marry this guy. so early next year i'm going to make one of my dreams come true - and fly away to europe. a family member is planning to also go early next year... perfect opportunity to go. i'm going to quit my job.. quit my relationship and follow my dreams. it's going to be tough as hell at first - i know that and i fear that, in a way.. but at the same time it's going to be exciting. NO - it's not running away - it's starting over. for as long or as short as it's going to take me...

(allow me to add that i saw him later that evening, and he had the oddassity to invite bad friend (with a new girl?) over - i was forced to spend most of the evening in their company - something i would never, ever choose to do, and bf knows it... yet he forces me. and what did i do? i smiled.. played the friendly hostess. this made the decision so much easier....)

I'm ok now. Taking things easy. I'm really taking your advice and looking after MYSELF for a change. Not so bothered about where he goes and what he does. As long as I'm feeling ok. I keep myself busy, plan things to do, I'm excited about the months ahead. I know I'll be ok...

How are you doing, Dalene?!

Reply to Pencil

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