Posted by: Anxiously confused | 2008/09/06

To marry or not

I have been going out with my bf for 5 years. For 4 years it hasn' t been that great, but I stuck with him, not quite sure why, hoping maybe that things will get better, because he is a honest, reliable guy. He used to be jealous and sometimes tried to " control"  me, more like manipulate me into stuff, by trying to make me feel guilty. I went through a rough medical patch 2 years in a row, and he was sortoff there for me. Then right after that, I had a trigger event and became really depressed and obsessive compulsive about getting infected with HIV. It was 2 years of hell, in which I did not want to die, but was not keen on living either. Wel the past 9 months after we watched a relathionship DVD, things has gotten a lot better and I have managed to almost completely overcome the anxiety and OCD. And then just when I started thinking, things might work, I met someone that confused me completely, because I got attracted to this person, but it is totally impossible to ever be with him, because I have analysed my feelings and I feel motherly towards him, so definite NO there, plus he lives on another continent. He is out of the equation.
But now my bf has sortoff put me to an ultimatim about our relathionship and I don' t know what to do, if I should marry him or not, because to just throw 5years away..... But I am scared that his attitude ajustment is not going to last, and I don' t think I can battle through another round of anxieties and depression. I came out stronger, but maybe more synical. Any idees?

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Our expert says:
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Someone may be honest and reliable ( you're ahead of the game if he is ) but not necessarily someone you love or will be happy living with in the long-term. The fact that you were able to work together and improve the relationship and, apparently, your symptoms, is a very good sign, however, and suggests that relationship counselling together might be a really good idea. And before deciding to mary or not. The advantage of such counselling is that its not intended to be Superglue, to stick the couple together, but to explore whether you can both be happy together, and if not, to be able to part in a more friendly way, with each of you knowing more about yourselves and about relationships, so as to be likely to manage better in future.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: EL | 2008/09/07

ONLY do it if you think your relationship is strong enough! I thought that after marriage things would be great, things were great before our marriage, but after three months my husband left me, but I think it was because we didn' t know each other that well. But you know him for 5 years and only you will know if it' s a good idea or not. Good luck on your choice.

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