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Posted by: Spooky | 2004/12/14

To LOST - Re posting 13422 - (affair)

Dear Lost
I believe that you deserve at least a little credit for having plucked up the courage to tell your story so openly and honestly. Also for acknowledging your mistake, admitting your guilt and making an effort to seek advice on how to make amends and prevent the situation from deteriorating even further. I wonder whether there is a human on the face of this planet who can honestly say that the thought of possibly getting caught up in a predicament such as yours has never crossed their mind. Of course there are those who will claim to be impervious and invincible when exposed to such temptations but then again there are also those who will concede to having been susceptible to vulnerability and moments of weakness when, under certain conditions, had been exposed to such risks. Some of us understand that you are human and not infallible. And since it takes 2 or more to tango, it just doesn’t seem right for all the blame to be laid so squarely on your shoulders only.
Having said this, however, nobody can be expected to condone what you have done and hence the Doc’s justification and endorsement of the scathing criticism and condemnation which was so clearly evident in the readers’ consensus. Give a dog a bad name and hang him – it can be a cruel world out there. Someone who commits adultery after only 8 months of marriage possesses seriously flawed morals. The lack of scruples will invariably and inevitably continue to result in untold misery as life goes on, unless you change – and you can! By change, I don’t mean changing husbands. Your sin, bad as it was, is not eternally unforgivable if you change. You can and should change your ways to that of someone who can brag of ethics and integrity.
In my opinion, you have only two choices; either to pursue the selfish course of infidelity (in which case you should put your husband and family in/out of the picture a.s.a.p – and don’t under estimate the reaction), or you put this mistake behind you and continue to live your life in the company of the man with whom it was vowed that you would do for better or for worse. In which case you should never have contact with the bad influence again. Infatuations mostly fizzle out.
You may have to live with a skeleton in the closet, but it’s far better than becoming a skeleton yourself!

(I have just read over my posting and think I should apologise to the Doc & Readers for my long-winded, rambling-on tendencies)

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

What was that about "give a doc a bad name " ? ; }
Spooky -- an excellent summary or the options she faces. Those old marriage vows are worded as they are for good reasons. They don't read "For Better ...And Better"... "Forsaking all others --- until someone more exciting turns up". It's not hostile or unkind for readers to emphasize such points, reflecting how most others will react to such choices and behaviours, but realistic

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Our users say:
Posted by: Spooky | 2004/12/15

LOST,
You are a smart gal and have made a wise decision. Well done!
Only YOU can eradicate thoughts of the ex B/F. With determination, it will only take a little time and practice for you to conquer the guilt trip completely. Half the battle is already won with your mature, intelligent approach - I'm sure you must have a very nice personality - lucky hubby!
A little advice, if you will allow -
NEVER disclose your secret to anybody, EVER !
Have a safe and joyous festive season.
All's well that ends well.
Spooky.

Reply to Spooky
Posted by: LOST | 2004/12/15

Thanks for the thought-provoking words.Not that I haven’t been thinking about what I’ve done.The last week was one of endless turmoil.
I did not expect anybody to condone what I’ve done, nor did I expect any sympathy.And yes, I deserved to be criticized and condemned! But I have asked the Greatest Judge for forgiveness…
I have decided that it was a mistake.A mistake which has opened my eyes to my own marriage.I have realized that I have allowed my husband to abuse me and without putting an end to it, I seeked relief elsewhere.

Reply to LOST
Posted by: Ice | 2004/12/14

brilliantly written synopsis. have you got your Master's in English? you should be writing books! :-)

Reply to Ice

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