Posted by: Been there | 2004/10/21

To Klippies: A thought..


I read your posting on wanting revenge and I couldn't help wondering whether you were cheated on by someone you love. If so, maybe I can share my own experience with you. My ex betrayed me by cheating and eventually leaving me for someone else. I was devastated and livid; I swore revenge and threatened them with it. I made his life as difficult as possible by being nasty and uncooperative. I swore to be a thorn in their side, and that is what I did. Until it struck met that I was drawing them closer together; I made them form a united front against a common enemy: me, the ex. I immediately changed my attitude, removed myself from the scene, became polite and co-operative. I stopped threatening them, left them to get on with their lives and presented them with a happy, accepting face all the time. The expected happened: without a common enemy, they had to concentrate on each other and their relationship. Because they both arrived where they are through infidelity, they are unable to trust each other. The fighting is escalating, and the unhappiness is growing. Soon the relationship will break down completely. In the mean time, I have found that my happy facade has become the real thing. My life is moving on, and I actually am happy and content now. It was after all not necessary to take any revenge; life is doing it for me. So my advice? Sit back, let them get on with it and enjoy the show!

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Our expert says:
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Good points, Been There !

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Our users say:
Posted by: FB | 2004/10/21

Hi Klippies,

Ja ek was ook al deur dit gewees. Ek wou ook revenge gehad het. Maar ek moes aan my kind gedink het wat dit aan haar sou doen. Wel ek het eenkant gaan sit en kyk hoe hulle mekaar begin verskeur, die een nie meer glo wat die ander een se nie,, en waar kom haar geld nou skielik vandaan. Wel haar bedrog saak kom nou binnekort voor en hulle is nie meer saam nie, die gevolg ...... hy soek my terug en ek se NEE dit is my revenge, hulle het tog op die ou end verloor....en ek het n sterker en beter persoon geword. Sonder dat ek iets gedoen het waarvoor my familie of kind sou skaam gewees het.

So jy kan ook wen, en daar uit die wenner stap....sonder revenge.

Sterkte FB

Reply to FB
Posted by: Klippies | 2004/10/21

Aan Casey NM en San, ek is lewens moeg vir al hierdie dinge en julle is reg dat ek seker die beter mens moet wees en ek was en het alles oorgesien en weer voor begin. Nou kom dit weer op my pad en ek wil wraak neem! Ek gaan goed hieroor dink want ek is 'n soft s--t en sal alles seker laat gaan want ek is moeg tot in my diepste siel. Indien ek egter besluit om met alles op die forum te kom, gaan dit seker een van die grootste bomme wees wat hier gaan bars. Niemand verwag om te hoor dit wat ek alles weet nie. Die gevolge hiervan kan groot wees en baie mense gaan geskok wees.

Reply to Klippies
Posted by: San | 2004/10/21

So't ek tot nou toe ook jou storie gevolg. ek dink daar's baie mense wat al daai revenge gevoel gehad het. Ek weet, ek was ook al daar. Maar weet jy, die dag toe ek laat gaan het en gese het dis verby, ek gaan nie meer dat gevoelens van wraak my lewe oorheers nie. Die dinge raak my nie meer nie, toe is ek verlos, my hele gemoed het gelig, my lewe het ligter geraak, ek wou net opstyg en sweef. My moto in daai tyd was eenvoudig "die wiel draai". Mense maak beloftes omdat dit was wat jy wou hoor, maak vrede met daai een. En beloftes kan net so maklik verbreek word, dis op die ou einde net woorde. En jy was aan die verloor kant met daai belofte.

Dis nie lekker om te verloor nie. Sien dit so, dit was bestem om so te gebeur, die doel daarvan sal op die mees onverwagte tyd aan jou duidelik word en daai dag gaan jy terug kyk en se Dank die Vader!!

Byt vas, kom deur die wraak gevoelens, dis seker ook normaal. Vat die 1ste stap na vryheid, vandag nog!!

Reply to San
Posted by: NM | 2004/10/21

Hi Klippies,

If "been there' is right about the situation you're in, I would like to offer some advise...

I feel that the "person in your life" doesn't respect you (and I almost want to say doesn't care about your feelings) You made a promise (threat) and he/she STILL went ahead and made contact with the other person. I'm sorry to say, but if my doings were making the person I love with all my heart unhappy I would SERIOUSLY think about stopping. Maybe the time has come to move on. Revenge? You're better than that!!!!! - and you know it!!! Hang in there!

Reply to NM
Posted by: Casey | 2004/10/21

Hi Klippies,
I've been thinking about you and your need for revenge.
Life has a funny way of working things out - mother nature does the laundry and the dirt comes out.
'Been there' has a valid point. It sounds so cliche, what comes around, goes around.
So the hurt the people caused you, will come back to them.
In the same respect, the revenge you intend on exacting is then going to come back to you too.
What do you need? It feels like revenge right now, I'm sure. But try and focus on what YOU need to do for YOUR life - and let the Universe take care of it;s own dirty laundry.
PS : Easier said than done, but a point to ponder nonetheless.
And I'm here, we all are, share the anger here and you may not need to take it out on the families you;re referring to.
Cheers friend.

Reply to Casey
Posted by: Klippies | 2004/10/21

They say that revenge is sweet. I do not think anything will develope between them but it just a case of principle. I am tired of everything and will stop all of this if everyone was just honest. I do not trust anybody anymore and that is the person I became. I was never like this but what has to be done, has to be done!!

Reply to Klippies
Posted by: Been there | 2004/10/21

You are certainly not wrong, feeling as terrible as you do. Maybe I am on the wrong track, but it sounds as if your experience is very similar to what mine was. My ex promised me (tears in the eyes, nogal!) that the affair was over, that there was no more contact between them. It was all lies, of course. They just covered their tracks better... Anyway, apart from broken promises, only you know what more is at stake here and what road to take. As far as personal revenge is concerned though, I get a huge kick out of watching my ex's "oh-I-have-finally-found-happiness" life falling apart....

Reply to Been there
Posted by: Klippies | 2004/10/21

Thank you for sharing that with me. It makes me think about how true it is that maybe I am wrong, but the feeling inside me is killing me. I do not really want to hurt the families involved, but if I do not stop this how long will it go on? There are much more at stake than my own feelings but the person should have kept the promise that was made. It is not as if I never warned them. If you take a chance you must accept the punishment if caught.

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