Posted by: Beyond Tired | 2004/10/18

To Jasmine

Thanks Jasmine, what you say does make sense. The problem is that I don't feel like having a purpose anymore, sorry if so negative, really battling to discover any real reason for life. I must add that the bf and his child and my child seem like a purpose but why and what for I do not know. My psychologist makes me angry, she keeps telling me everyone has such days, I KNOW DAMNIT, I KNOW. I know I need to make a change and I know I need to come to a decision but the problem is I can't seem to get myself to do it.
Actually managed to get some work done, just feels like such a waste as well. I really sorry guys and gals reading my postings, I am really trying..........I know it doesn't look like it, I know.....

That is why I say I am irritating myself. It feels like I went for help and it worked while I was there but the minute I stepped back into reality it hit me like a ton of bricks and I am not coping, I know I can't hide from the world or life as it continues, but I just don't want to cope with my life anymore, I want all the confusion to come to an end, all the anger, frustration and hurt to come to an end...but the minute I attempt anything it backfires, so it is just easier not to do anything.......

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

YOu know, lots of experience and some research suggests that you may be trying to do this backwards. Sitting waiting to discover a sense of purpose in life, can require a very long wait. What often helps is exactly the opposite. Assuming that one will discover the real purpose of one's life IN life and DURING life ; and then deciding to continue, AS IF there was a good purpose in life. The answers to those questions are discovered in the process of doing life, as well as one cam ; not by contemplation, before one starts. And surely one of the main reasons for living is to discover other and even better reasons for living ?
And discuss this very problem with your psychologist, especially the issue of feeling better while there, but with the beneficial efect not lasting when you return into reality. And ask her about CBT, which so focusses on changing the sort of negative thoughts, rules, and self-perceptions you seem to be swimming in.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: Beyond Tired | 2004/10/19

Thanks guys for all the wise advice and kind words. Chelle you are right, it is a question of doing. Stuck in a rut though, so angry this week so far it is scary, not letting it out though. My psychologist said's I must go with the feelings, not sure what she means but am experiencing these feelings, they make me nervous and my head aches.
I don't want to talk anymore so won't be posting for a while, want to sort out my head......
Take care one and all.

Reply to Beyond Tired
Posted by: DG | 2004/10/18

A few words to you BT, very wise advice from the other readers, I hope you can find it in yourself to follow some advice.

I think you should start off by finding something that you enjoy, have you ever considered joining an art class, a pottery class, or a yoga class, maybe even a kung fu class-whatever catches you. This will help you to start realising there are other options out there and other ways to explore yourself by doing different activities, as well as explore different aspects of life.

The change has to come from within in you, I know it may sound extremely difficult at this stage in your life, be patient-all good things come to those who wait. You have to take baby steps, you have to start accepting yourself for you you are and finding ways to improve who you are. There is no greater challenge in life than the challenge of self love. We can accept that things cannot change and we can only alter our perceptions on them. You know the half-full half-empty senario?

To do this you must remember that you are a worthy being, a great existance to the many who love you, and that you are worth fighting for. Don't just irritate yourself, push yourself to beyond the irritating feelings, to more of a struggle, which will develop a will to fight for yourself-and in turn you coming out on the winning side-I know you can do this BT, dont give up that easily. you are worth more than that.

Please look after yourself, remember-i care for you.

Reply to DG
Posted by: Chelle | 2004/10/18

Sometimes we resist so much that we end up concentrating on the resistance more that we concentrate on where we want to be. It seems you are so busy telling yourself that you can't do x or y, that you have come to believe it. All those people in your past have told you you can't do things, and here you are now, maintaining that you can't.
Get rid of resistance - embrace who you are. So, you have a drinking problem which you need to resolve, and you have been resisting the drink, and resisting help, and you are still drinking. You keep doing the same thing although in different ways.
No matter what advice is given, you listen, and then keep saying you are trying but its not working. Stop TRYING. When we say we are going to try then we set ourselves up for failure. Don't TRY, just DO!
DO talk to yourself kindly, but be honest with yourself
DO take the advice of your shrink
DO take responsibility for how you respond to a situation.
DO take into account that you are a survivor, and that the worst is over - provided you take responsibility.
DO remind yourself that if you keep doing the same thing over and over, you will continue to get the same results.
DO stop apologising for the way you feel.
DO stop allowing all those people from your past to continue to affect your life today.
DO remember that there are consequences to your actions and take accountability.
DO stop drinking - We don't want to come here one day and see the heading... "they have taken my child away!" ...

YOU are the only one who can do this. Absolutely no one on this earth can make it happen for you, they can only be their to guide and support you, but you have to be totally open to the guidance and support.

Reply to Chelle
Posted by: yellow | 2004/10/18

seems like your stuck girl and the thing is you know it but can't let go of it. it's like you feel you need something to make everything better, but you don't even know what it is. have you ever thought if there was anything that would make things better for you now, what would it be? sometimes that's a way of finding out what's really wrong. don't say sorry everytime your negative. it's like being negative is a great burden for you. don't feel bad for how you feel. focus on getting better, and if putting your negative feelings on here is helping, than do it with pride, because that is you right now and hell things will get better.

Reply to yellow
Posted by: Shaun | 2004/10/18

Hi BT,

As true & sensible Jasmine's words are, you may not see the benefit of them till you allow the meaning to actually get to you.
Don't get me wrong BT. What I'm saying is that sometimes we try so hard that we get stuck on the trying, & forget what we were actually trying for. Or it may happen that we allow our past experience to dictate our future. Meaning that because we kinda know what to expect, we give up too soon, or don't see the benefit of even trying because we think we already know the out come.
Maybe you could just try accepting where you are at the moment. Ok, So you don't know why you're actually living right now. So What!? The fact is that you are living. So accept that. Maybe your reason for living is just that, to see that you are alive & keep yourself alive.
I won't even bother about going into those reasons of your bf, & ofcourse your daughter, coz I feel that you need to come to terms with you first.
You're alive, accpet it BT!!! Somethings in life are because they just are!!!

One thing I know, you are a great writer!!!

BT, I wanna make 1 request... Please stop apologising for who you are!!! I kinda know that your writing here gives you a little release of sorts, besides, I enjoy reading your postings. Have you ever tried keeping a diary??? Just a thought...

Hope I didn't bore you...
Take care BT,

Reply to Shaun

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