Posted by: Spark | 2008/10/02

To immegrate or not ...


To immegrate or not, that is the question.
My brother is immegrating to Europe, his wife told me that it is child abuse staying here. She has planted a seed of doubt and confusion into my head.

We are content with our life as it is, the finances are going to take a while but they will come right.

My dad is 75 and getting on with life. My daughter and my parents are very very close. This might hurt my daughter taking her away and they pass away (not a nice thought but it is reality).

We don' t want to leave, but if it will be better for my daughter then we should.

Please I need advice to clear my head.


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Our expert says:
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Tke your time, don't let her self-serving words sawy you into a hasty decision you may regret

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Our users say:
Posted by: Little Sister | 2008/10/03

Hi Spark,
Check out the forum, this topic has been discussed there many times. The guilt of leaving a sick or elderly family member behind can be overwhelming.
Most of my family (11 people in all) are in the process of emigrating to aus, 3 are already there. It is a very hard and personal decision, don’ t let anyone push you. There are so many obstacles to overcome when setting in a different country, if you don’ t have the right mindset (i.e. unconvinced of your decision), you probably wont make it. If you decide to go, make sure its for your own reasons, in your own time.

Reply to Little Sister
Posted by: Just M | 2008/10/03

My husband and I visited family in UK last month. One evening we were in the park when we heard gun shots from quite close by. The two of them just carried on as if they didn' t hear anything. These are the same people who can' t stop spitting poison about SA. So you see, crime happens everywhere.

Better the devil you know, than the devil you don' t know...

Reply to Just M
Posted by: Eish | 2008/10/03

Ow come-on Klippies... really now!!! Crime affects all people it' s got nothing to do with colour.

Reply to Eish
Posted by: Klippies | 2008/10/03

I have told my children to leave SA and start their liives overseas. The reason for this is that the government of this country is not a government for all the people in SA. Read the newspapers and see how many white people gets murdered EVERY DAY and what does the government do? Nothing!!!!! But should a white man kill a blackman, evrything is done to get this whity!!!!

I love SA but I cannot live with the crime and the murders in this country. How many farmers alone have been murdered and what has been done about it?

Reply to Klippies
Posted by: Anon | 2008/10/02

I recently immigrated, a very rash decision without thinking it through, I am missing home and all the luxuries(domestic housekeeper etc) BUT when I see my children playing freely , riding their bikes and mothers taking their babies for a walk in the evenings, it makes me feel better. I do not walk around with this fear of being held up or raped for that matter.
I truly miss home, and it will take a lot of getting used to. I did this for my children....

Reply to Anon
Posted by: Sg | 2008/10/02

We have so much going for us in our country but one has to be realistic,the crime rate is totally out of control.When/if serious crime hits close to your own family then you only realize just how bad it is.Our plees to government simply fall on deaf ears as nothing has improved in this regard.
It is a very tough decision,if I was still in my twenties or even early thirties I might be tempted to look elsewhere.

Reply to Sg
Posted by: b | 2008/10/02

Spark. not everything is a bed of roses over seas. every land has its problems. friends tried to bully us into immigrating to new zealand telling us oh jobs are great u will own a house etc.. guess what we have paid our house off here and they are in debt that side. none of them can afford to own their own houses. they struggle. stand your ground and don' t listen to them. South Africa will change with the high crime etc. But we have a beautifull country........

Reply to b
Posted by: Spark | 2008/10/02

Thanks Ruby, you opened my eyes, I was concentrating more on how greener the grass could be on the otherside that I forget to notice how green the grass is under my feet.
Thank you for the article, shame, I hope she get money to get back. Really sounds like when they got there the found burnt grass and not green grass.

Reply to Spark
Posted by: Ruby | 2008/10/02

This was published in Beeld this morning. What ever you decide, it' s not an easy decission. Good luck to you.

" Wens ek kon terugkom na land van melk en heuning

Indien jy of iemand in jou gesin al aan emigrasie gedink het en jy het ’ n “ redelike”  leefstyl in Suid-Afrika met tieners wat gewild is, goeie maats het en sport beoefen, dan wil ek graag vir jou sê : Dink weer!

Ek en my gesin woon die laaste paar maande in Nieu-Seeland.

Laat ek jou vertel, emosioneel en geldelik gesproke is dit nag.

Alles verander en wat die ander “ gelukkige”  Suid-Afrikaners hier jou nie vertel nie, is dat alles anders is. Behalwe as jy ’ n goeie kwalifikasie het en in aanvraag is, sal jy met moeite miskien min of meer doen wat jy in Suid-Afrika gedoen het. Dis nou afgesien van die feit dat jy self help toilette skoonmaak by die werk, ens.

Jou gade, wat in die meeste gevalle in hul oë  nie goed gekwalifiseer is nie, gaan baie lank soek na werk en as hy/sy sou werk kry, sal dit teen ’ n minimum-loon wees met lang ure.

Die ander Suid-Afrikaners hier gee voor hoe gelukkig hulle is, maar glo vir my, diep daar binne-in is almal besig om te rou.

Die vreemdste vir my was om te sien hoe “ vreemd”  raak die Suid-Afrikaanse kindertjies wat so ’ n jaar lank al hier is.

Onthou net, al gaan dit hoe sleg in Suid-Afrika, geen plek bied jou daai sonskyn, braaivleis met houtvure, biltong, die bosveld, see met branders ens. nie.

Verdra maar die ongerief tuis. Ek wens ek kon terugkeer na die land van melk en heuning, maar ek het nie meer geld nie." 

Reply to Ruby
Posted by: SOPHIA | 2008/10/02

The old saying goes ... ' If your sister in law said jump into the fire ... Would you?' 

Same thing - Its your life and you are the responsible parent - You do what YOU think is right not what SHE thinks is right.

Take it from someone who has lived overseas for an extended period of time. Those people who move countries out of ' fear'  will always justify their reasons by making others feel they are making the wrong decision by staying. Its her way of affirming she is doing the right thing by leaving.

Reply to SOPHIA
Posted by: Spark | 2008/10/02

The child abuse that she is talking about - is that I am not doing my best to give her a better life overseas. I am putting her life in danger with the crime that is happening. I am neglecting my daughters happy future.
This is what my sister-in-law told me.

Reply to Spark
Posted by: Asking | 2008/10/02

I dont understand, ur sister in law says its child abuse to stay in SA? in what way if i may ask?

Reply to Asking
Posted by: Lin | 2008/10/02

Do what' s best for you right now. If you already doubt that it would be best to move, then you' ll suffer in the long run.
It sounds as if you' ve never had a problem until your s.i.l. started with it. So stay and then when YOU and HUBBY decide, then go.

Reply to Lin

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