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Question
Posted by: Guilty | 2007/08/15

To Hope that replied to posting 2084

Re: my husband who treats my like i'm an idiot and can't think for myself and threatened to take the kids away from me.
You said that it was like reading your life. You said, he said he'd change and he started spending more time with the kids and you said it was too little too late. My question is.....did you feel guilty that you didn't want to try again to save the marraige? The reason why I ask is that I don't want to save my marraige, to me it is over, a door that I have closed and I need to move on, but I constantly feel guilty because he is trying so hard and I'm finished!!

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Our expert says:
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Sounds like you may both have made an effort to set things right, but did so out of phase, so that he is starting to try about when you have given up ?

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Posted by: hope | 2007/08/19

I felt a little guilty, but that didn't take away from the pain that he had caused me, and now I have no guilt at all. I feel good that my children are no longer in that type of environment. I would rather take the chance of raising them alone, and showing them my strengths, rather than raising them with someone who always made me seem weak. he begged me for a second chance, but I told him his second chance expired long ago, along with the third chance, fourth chance, etc. I told him all the times I tried to talk to him before, and begged for some understanding or change, he was never willing to try. Then all of a sudden, when he was faced with losing everything, and evaluating himself, then he decided he could change. But that change was to benefit him, not me. So I moved forward, never looking back. I do not regret that decision at all. It was hard at first. He called me often, but I had to remain firm, keeping in mind that it wasn't just to better myself, but to better my children. It's hard to understand how we can feel guilty for hurting someone who had no problem hurting us. I'm glad that I moved on with my life. If you say you know in your heart that it is over, than it probably is. And him begging and pleading doesn't break you down, really it just makes you mad. I think that it's a way for them to think that they can keep that control over you, you know. Just be strong and listen to what your heart tells you to do, not what he tells you to do. Good Luck..... Sorry it took so long to reply, my computer was down for a few days....Let me know how things are going......

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