Posted by: viper | 2007/08/07

to forgive and forget? advice needed

About 2 months ago my long distance relationship of about a year ended just after I visited him.
During my visit he was distant and cold etc, and very rude to me.
However while I was there I read his sms's and found out that he cheated on me with the friend who's house we were staying at.
I left it, but it made it easy to breakup with him, and break off all contact. We haven't spoken since even though we were also best friends for a year, and had contact every day (tel/email/msn/sms).
I believe that in order to move on one needs to forgive, but do I need to let him know that I know what he did, and to tell him that I forgave him?
Or do I just leave it and carry on with my life?
I befriended the guy we were staying with and still have contact with him via email, do I tell him what I know too?

All advice and comments appreciated......

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageGay, lesbian and bisexual expert

Hi Viper and thanks for this post.

Good advice from LoneWolf. In terms of letting your friend or your ex know what you're aware of, it may be useful for you to ask yourself what you'll feel comfortable with in 6 months time. Personally I'd be inclined to let the cat out of the bag - it could negate your sense of being deceived.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Nikki | 2007/08/08

Listen to LONEWOLF he is right.

Spend you energy and time remembering the good things and dont waste time on the bad. Learn from it and move on.

It was not meant to be, your partner awaits somewhere else.


Reply to Nikki
Posted by: LONEWOLF | 2007/08/08

Hi Viper. For starters, you will never forget; it is basic human nature to remember. With forgiveness, well that can be hard, but it is essential. You can forgive someone in your heart, even though he is not aware of it. Sometimes, confrontation only makes things worse when things are said that could have remained. Hate what was done, and not the person who did it. Remember, we are all human and all of us sometimes do horrible things to others, to a greater or lesser degree. Not forgiving is not going to change anything for the better, on the contrary; not forgiving is nurturing a bad feeling and in the long run you are the only one who suffers. He is not even going to be aware that you hate him. Make a conscience decision to forgive and move on. Also, try to see what you learned from the experience and use that to grow. Keep well.


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