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Posted by: kat | 2007/05/11

To FM

hi you posted a message for me yesterday and here is my reply.

im still in the process of changing things for myself. my partner has been away overseas for almost a month now and i will say that it has only been now that i can be honnest with myself enough to admit that i dont actually want this relationship thats why it has never worked.

so when he gets back we have a lot of talking to do but i can tell you now he feels the same way. it can never just be one of you even if the other doesnt admit it.

i want my life back and just want to be free, i am known as a dream chaser but honnestly i can make those dreams a reality but where i have been for the past 11 years it will never happen.

its not easy to step out of your comfort zone and make changes and i think thats why i can do this coz with him away i have had the saftey of him still being in my life and the opportunity to think about what it would be like to not have him arround. some times its just not worth staying together, you end up breaking eachother down so badly that you dont get the best of yourself or your partner. does this answer your question.

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Posted by: kat | 2007/05/11

YOU are a good enough reason. they stay out of fear.

never compair yourself to anyone. you do what you have to to get through this life. this is going to be the hardest thing i have to do expecially having 2 kids but i can tell you now this is something i have to do for my own saske other wise ill be useless to my kids.

dont waist your life on guilt its just not worth it.

Reply to kat
Posted by: FM | 2007/05/11

Like you say it just so difficult getting out of that comfort zone and its scary!!!. I have a friend who's husband hits her every now and again, I have another friend who's husband has had a couple of affairs, and staying in a small town everyone knows about it and yet they are still with their husbands. My husband has never hit me and as far as I know has not had an affair (as far as I know!!) , that's where the guilt comes in. Why do I want to leave him? My reasons don't feel "good enough"!!!!
Thank you for sharing, and good luck.

Reply to FM
Posted by: kat | 2007/05/11

dont feel bad i got divorced after 4 yrs of being married to him and still went back. all i can say is dont stay just coz you feel bad look at your reality. it is the fact that YOU dont want this and if you stay you will end up having affairs and all of that. some times there is just too much water under the brindge. honnestly i know the feeling of no hard feelings. you know that if you had to stay it wont last for too long it never does they change for a while and even then its not realy. he wants to work on it coz he is being forced out of his comfort zone. i cant tell you what to do but i can tellyou that YOU are worth more that living like this.

at the end of the day you are only gaurenteed one life you are not gaurenteed another and you need to live this one with everything that you have. dont waist it.

Reply to kat
Posted by: FM | 2007/05/11

Yes it does! And I can relate to so much of what you saying. I have also been in a relationship for 11yrs, that has broken me down totally. He was also away for a while and I had to be honest with myself about my feelings, about our relationship. And I made the decision. I was honest with him too, for a change. But I can honestly say to you that since the day I met him, I have always battled to get his attention. Got engaged, fell pregnant, got married. Moved 200km away from my family so he could be closer to his family, spent at least 4days with them every week (for the 1st yr and half of our marraige). There are so many things, but too make a long story short I gave up so much to keep him happy, he turned into an old fashioned man (with must be at home he does what he wants) and eventually I hit rock bottom!!! Every thing else was always more important. I thought I would be doing him a favour by say "I give up" "you like living your own life I'm not fighting for your attention anymore" I'm leaving, no hard feelings. Now he claims he'll do anything to save the marraige, he'll change, he'll move, he won't go to his parents so often and I'm finished, i've closed the door and like you I want my life back I want to be free. Now I have this terrible guilt that I don't want to save the marraige and I don't!!!! And that's the only thing keeping me where I am. I think I saked the question, as some form of trying to justify my reasons for wanting to leave.

Reply to FM

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