Posted by: Babe | 2004/11/11

To end or not to.

Hi there, Just wanted to get your feel on my situation as I am at a crossroad in my life. I have been married for 10yrs with 2 kids. For the last 4yrs we have been going through some ups and downs (more downs lately). We keep fighting about how neglected he feels since we had kids. Well, GHEE, what about me. We have tried a lot to patch up the problems, but they keep on popping up again and again. He has often started "friendships" with other females (4 to be exact) and has had an affair with one of them when I had our second child. We split up only a few weeks after our second child was born and decided to give it a try again about a month later. He is now working overseas for a while and I have discovered that he is again e-mailing some of these females. I am so depressed and battling to cope with everything on my own here and I can't deal with the fact that I still have to deal with this now. Do I leave him, I am really sick of this, but I love him truly and miss him. I also don't have the guts to put my children through this. It seems like he has some hold over me, that I can't be without him (although he is overseas). You know what I mean. Please give advise, before I go MAD.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

babe, sounds more hopeful than some similar situations, in that you have both tried to fix things. But that he continues to contact the harem you forgave him for, is unpromising. You need to work to clarify what's best for you and the children. You CAN live without him ( you do now ) and children are not damaged necessarily by a divorce. If he were here, I'd recommend marriage counselling, as he's away, at least personal counselling for you would enable you to clarify what you need

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Our users say:
Posted by: Q | 2004/11/11

The only hold he has over u is your fear of beeing alone, and that you dont whant to put your children through this!!!! The next fact is that you are missing him a lot and this compounds the problem even futher!!! The fact that he has had an affair does not ease the problem and if you have facts on the table and not hear say then yes you will beleave you have a mess in hand. The fact of the matter is that kids are very adaptable and will ecsept almost any situation as long as you dont keep them away from dad. the rest is up to you and that is your desision. Look at your relationship in deapth and then make the call, look first off all what you whant out of this relationship take away al the negosiables and then you are left fith the nitigrity the things you are not prepaired to sacrifice and then you look at the relationship and if it does not conform then you know, one Q for you if you say you love him will you give your live for him if it was a choice between you and him and if you look at it the other way around will he do it for you, dont answer this lightly think hard about it and the answer!!!!!! good luck hope i could help n little!!!!!!!!

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