Posted by: skye | 2008/12/19

To disclose or not


I am at a bit of a dillema. I have been with my boyfriend for almost 10 years. I am currently dealing with issues of childhood sexual, physical and emotional abuse. I sometimes get anxiety attacks and feel dead and empty most of the time. I want to open up to my boyfriend as he has no clue to my past. He is a very loving and caring man but I still have doubts about wether or not to disclose my past or leave it alone and never tell him. How do people normally react to these sort of things? How do I tell him something like that and would there be any benefit to me to disclose. I am a bit stuck, and I know I' m pushing him away. Any response would be appreciated.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

YOu may not need to disclose all the gory details ( indeed, only a very naive therapist thinks such detailed disclosure, even in therapy, is needed or helpful ) --- but surely an outline of what is troubling you, and the fact that you are in therapy, is fair, and should help him to understand and support you better ?

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: Zexeon | 2008/12/19

What a fool you would feel if you disclose everything and you brake up and .......... so rather work with your therapist if you must would be my advice.

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Posted by: Giving | 2008/12/19

the honest way is always the best, and you are important in this process and need support. You guys have been together for 10 years - use an approach you' ve used before, but this is your time for healing and you need to get it out there. Shamebased feelings and anxiety are terrible to live with and keep in... let it out!!!

Reply to Giving
Posted by: anonynomous | 2008/12/19

I agree, you should at least let him know whats bothering you. He may or may not ask for details, you need sit down and decide as to what extent you wish to discuss with him. Any problem not matter how big or small is better to deal with when you have support, especially if the support is from a loved one. Take it one step at a time.... Good luck! This can' t be very easy on you...

Reply to anonynomous
Posted by: ? | 2008/12/19

I think he should know. At least that way he can understand why it is that you get anxiety attacks, etc.

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