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Question
Posted by: heri | 2004/09/20

to cybershrink (ashamed woman)

the reason i say ashamed woman is because of what i'm about to say here.here' the story: i'm married but i have an affair with a married man, to whom i fell in love on the 26th 08 2004.i do love my husband, but i do not enjoy sex with my husbnad as i do with this other man and i definifely know that what i'm doing is wrong but this other man knows how to satisfy me sexually. i stay naer to his house and his wife is working far and also my husband i s working far so we get time to see each other and have sex many times. i 'm afraid i will get pregnant with his child not my husband's coz we do not even use condoms and he also says he does wants to have a baby with me, I'M ASHAMEDof what i'm doing with this man, but i really love him, we told ourselves that as long are partners do not find out about it it's okay.PLEASE avice me on what to do. i really have betrayed my hubby and our vowels the day i married him.i love him and i love this other man. what must i do to make things go right in my life. and now i'm afraid that if leave this mian maybe i might be pregnant with his child!!!!!! PLEASE help and tell me what to do, whatever you'll tell me to do i will do coz i have a problem of deciding whta to do.!!!!!!!1

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

heri, have you thought of alternatives, like discussing with your husband how you would prefer him to satisfy you sexually, maybe suggesting that you both get involved in marriage counselling / sex therapy ? Whatever you feel is lacking in the sexual aspects of your marriage can be improved.
You already know that adultery is bad, but I'm surprised that you also seem to feel no alternative to this ? When you mention the risk of pregnancy, which could indeed be a very serious complication, this also means that you and this man are not practising safe sex, so there is also a serious risk that he might be HIV positive and infect with with HIV and then AIDS. Especially, this is a problem as you tell me he says he WANTS you to have his baby --- why ? TO further insult and embarass your husband ? To destroy your marriage ? And his ?
You know that adultery is adultery, and wrong, whether or not your partners find out. If you killed someone, without anybody finding out, wouldn't that still be murder ? And how do you imagine it is possible that your partners would never find out ? You can ceck at a clinic as to whether or not you are pregnant, and discuss that with the clinic staff. But don't you think you need to end this relationship now, and turn instead towards finding ways in which to improve your marriage ?

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Tia | 2004/09/21

How can u even ask us 4 advice when it's so obvious, what would u do if it was yo husband doing the same thing 2 u, saying stuffs like u don't satisfy him in bed, mayb u r the one with a problem here, I bet u only realised that yo husband was not satisfying u after u slept with this other guy, but b4 then everything was okay, what's wrong with u woman? The world is definitely coming 2 an end..................I also hope u get pregnant & the guy dumps u...........

Reply to Tia
Posted by: Anon | 2004/09/21

How can you not know what to do?
Why dont you start by doing the right thing.But from what I see, you dont even know what is wrong and what is right.
What ever happened to your morals, your dignity.
Why dont you dump your married lover and concentrate on sorting out your own marriage?
Or, why dont you leave your husband, instaed of treating than treating him like dirt, which you are, obviously, doing.
Gee whiz, what is the world coming too?

Reply to Anon
Posted by: ec | 2004/09/21

Hello heri - I agree with everything CD says.....you are being completely irresponsible! Many lives are being affected with what you and your lover are doing and at the end of the day you will have to live with your conscience and trust me that is not easy. Love can mean many things and i'm sure you have feelings for this guy but it sounds more like lust than love and he wants you to have his child!! Ha, will he divorce his wife, marry you and live happily ever after with you and his baby? Could you ever trust him not to cheat on you like he's doing to his wife? Do you think he will trust you after cheating on your husband? More often than not the 'great' sex fizzles out after a time and the excitement you first experience is no more - then what??
Peace to you.

Reply to ec
Posted by: Loli | 2004/09/21

AIDS, what in the world are you thinking by not using a condom girl.

Hope you will learn the day you discover you are pregnant,

Reply to Loli

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