Our expert says:
OK, no preaching, and I can't pronounce your nickname, though it sounds rather Serbian ! :} .
You know that sleeping with the kids isn't useful and has real risks, but I suppose you have found it comforting to a degree --- but with the fairly inevitable side-effect that the breakup when it comes is "terrible" and feels awful.
You say you've been on antidepressants for around 8 years, which a psychiatrist would probably only have recommended if you had had 2 or 3 previous marked Depressions, so chronic use of the drugs could limit the frequency and severity of future attacks. Borderline Personality is something, like any other diagnosis, which no psychiatrist ought ever to diagnose and announce, without explaining it to you in some detail. It is a complex personality disorder ( in other words, an aspect of who you are which can cause problems, rather than an illness which has happened to you ).
Among other features, one is especially sensitive to feling utterly abandoned when someone leaves you or even seems like they might, and one has more than usual difficulty in handling such emotional turmoil. You'll find we've discussed it at times i\on this Forum, so check out the Index of this forum. Generally, this conditon can be significantly improved by psychotherapy, more than drugs.
What would be best would be for you to see a good local psychiatrist for a full re-assessment of your situation and a fresh, second-opinion, diagnosis ( no point in worrying about a diagnosis that may no longer apply to you ), and then, based on that, advice on the best current therapy options.
On-line counselling isn't available, and what one would need & BDL would be beyond what would be practice with online counselling.
Check out in the new week, as several of our regulars have battled with similar problems, and may have advice for you based on their own experiences, when they get back from the weekend.
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