Posted by: DD | 2004/12/13

<br>To Cyber Only

Dear Cyber
Can you please give me name of a "couples therapist" (or for myself) in Cape Town area - must be many so better still in northern suburbs.
I just feel so very bewildered and in about to give up on a potentially good thing (I think). I realise my expectations of my 4 year relationship may have been high in that I thought that by now we would have gone to the next level of our relationship i.e. get engaged. this was based on not just feelings but discussions and listening to what he has to say (i.e. his expectations) which were definitely to get married as he enjoyed his marriage which was succesful. His wife died.
The longer we date the more distant we become...(like an old married couple). He is completely satisfied with his life....enjoys staying on his own (we spend weekends together), Although we do things together then and love each other's company and have fun, i'm quite lonely during the week and I'm bored because I would like to plan ahead a bit. I have spoken to him and he knows of my feelings but nothing is said or done. I have written in before to you but I'm truly despondent about this. Yet I know that compared to what I hear and most other men he is worth waiting for. Hey maybe he's just on a good thing right now and has his bread buttered both sides. I'm now getting scared of committing as well having lived on my own so long - it would be a big adjustment. Who can I turn to and how do I prevent this from going completely sour - I'm like a stuck record but can't seem to find a solution.......maybe there isn't one.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

As I keep saying, there are so many excellent reasons why we casn't recommend specific shrinks on this site. However, for marriage counselling / couple counselling, I generally find many people can find a good counsellor by calling the national organization FAMSA, through your local branch. yes, men often slip into a comfort zone, and get reluctant to change the habit, just like thyey grow attached to a favourite jacket or pair of shoes, even when they could do better. Try FAMSA

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