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Question
Posted by: Blinky | 2006/10/25

To Cyber - 2 x family crisis

Hi Doc. Brother (53)going through divorce and is devasted.Has very young children who he adores (only had them late in life) and although fighting for custory prob won't get that - also instead of being retrenched took a lower position much less pay so battling financially. So going to therapist doesn't seem likely as he says they (he + wife) been going for 3 years to try and work marriage out. - Im scared when he says he has nothing to live for as he has always been a level headed mature person. All his life he has been the rock for other people.
What books, articles or support can I give to try and encourage and uplift him. Also my 86 year old Mom needs to relocate from JHB to CT. She stays on my sister's property but sister is emigrating. I have found a flat in a super retirement villate with all needs catered for etc - except that she won't have family right next door. Here again Im worried about how she will handle this huge change. Heartsore for both. I realise I can't take on everyone's problems or emotions but feel pretty helpless - stressed actually. I try and stay positive but as I have just been through treatment for breast cancer find that my resources are low. Seasons for everything I know? Any wise words from you?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

I'm surprised that any competent therapist would see a couple for as much as three years without producing a resolution of their problems, or admitting defeat and referring them to another therapist. B ut maybe he should see a personal counsellor, even for a few sessions, preferably using a positve and practical CBT approach, to deal with what he is facing. I understand that you are concerned about how your mom and dad will face the challenges each of them do --- but have you actually discussed your concerns with them, to check whether they actually feel there are any problems they cant handle ?

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