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Question
Posted by: Tasha | 2007/12/14

To CS - Re post 1621

Thank you for your reply.
We went to FAMSA 6 years ago and after 2 session, he said it was a load of ........(I can't say what !!!)
I have been trying to convince him for the last 6 months to go to a marriage counscillor, but he is refusing. He recons that if we can't fix our problems ourselves then someone else won't be able to.
That is why in desperation, I have made the appointment for myself at the psychologist. Maybe she can help me to figure out if I really am as bad a person as my husbands tells me I am.
The deal he has made with me is that to fix our marriage I have to find other homes or euthanase my 3 dogs and 3 cats.
Whichever way it goes I am heart-broken.

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Our expert says:
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I haven't the faintest doubt, Tasha, that you are nowehre near the bad person your husband appears to be trying to convince you to assume you are ! Someone who, like him apparently, is terrified to see any possibility of ANY fault in his own behaviour, usually tries to reject marriage counselling, or indeed any sort of counselling, as it might imply that there are even some tiny ways in which he could do better.
Seing a counsellor for yourself is a very sensible move.
It's clear from what you now say, that his "fix the marriage" insistance is cowardly and dishonest. Either way, what he is demanding has nothing whatever to do with what's wrong between the pair of you, and wouldn't contribute anything to fixing any marriage. Its a demand to kill or get rid of your animals, not to fix anything. The real puzzle is why he finds them so terribly threatening to his tiny self-esteem

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