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Question
Posted by: SR | 2005/07/16

To CS .... Continue our session on "Tough Love"

Care to continue this session? I didn't get your full version and how you apply the concept in the case of a cheater

I know the concept as it is applied to Alchoholics, Drug Addicts etc etc but I was particularly interested in how you would go about applying this to a cheater or a recovering cheater

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Oddly ( must be a repercussion of my concussion ) I dont quite recall our having begun such a session.
I'm sure many others among our irreglars will have differing views on how to implement Tough Love, but I think in any context, including cheating, it includes a clear declaration that there will no longer be an infinite number of "last chances", an end to what some in the USA like to call "co-dependency", an end to enabling and indulgence which makes it easyier for a person to continue ( cheating, drinking, whatever form of malfunction). It means that while one might ultimately be prepared to forgive the one who errs, it won't be the automatic, reflex, repeated "forgiving" that is disasterously pushed upon victims these days by quack clerics and others, but a reasonable response to the perp having given lasting, convincing evidence of having regretted and repented, and changed. Forgiving the unchanged, in a way that is almost a blessing to continue erring, benefits nobody.

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Our users say:
Posted by: SR | 2005/07/18

Deubel = Heh heh, no I'm as straight as an arrow. Anyway you have a great day now

Reply to SR
Posted by: Deubel | 2005/07/18

Male23?

Reply to Deubel
Posted by: SR | 2005/07/18

Deubel = Secret of Secrets .....My girlfriend participates on the site .... Now guess who she is

Reply to SR
Posted by: Deubel | 2005/07/18

SR, does your g/f know about your activities on this site? Or do you hide it from her?

You sound like a control freak anyway.

Reply to Deubel
Posted by: SR | 2005/07/16

Thanks CS I get the picture .... my girlfriend and I were discussing it the week that I last posted on this and there was a long list of items that we debated on:

- No receiving or no sending sms's whilst in company
- No switching cell phones off
- No clearing of last calls made / received and or sms's
- Random checks on cell phone
- etc
- etc

The list is long but at the end of the day one wants to strike a fine balance between giving the recovering cheater his / her freedom and removing the objects of temptation.

In the case of a recovering alchoholic and drug addicts I know the treatment is a bit harsher but then again if the cheater is going to recover they must identify their weaknesses and admit to this ?

Mustn't they?

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