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Posted by: Lauren Auder ™ | 2007/03/31

TO CS and STEP MOM

Well I am 1 of da authors of da "unkind posts" and I certainly do not feel ashamed of myself. I still feel what u (STEP MOM)n CP Mom r doin 2 u'r stepkids is sumtin 2 b ashamed of. N do not bluff u'rself it IS NOT ABOUT U IT"S ABOUT DA KIDS. No matter how u n anyone else want 2 sugar coat what u doin - IT IS STILL WRONG! U cannot b a great STEPMOTHER cos u said or think so, u can only b 1 if u'r stepkids said so.

CS -I will disagree wit u on this 1 (as u r also human n u cant always b right). I know u n CP MOM comes a long way but still siding with her everytime she plays victim - is in my eyes unprofessional. It is like a GP giving a patient a precsription drug that they know da patient is addicted to. It is unfair also 2 all other forum users who always hav 2 back down from saying anything to CP Mom - that she does not want to hear, yet she can b nasty to any1 else 2 her hearts content.

I am not fighting with anyone n I do not really care how this will go down with y'all but this is how I feel n I will not change my opinion evn if this makes me da "nasty" 1

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

I share your disregard for self-awarded honours, but I'm bothered by the bald statement that : "U cannot b a great STEPMOTHER cos u said or think so, u can only b 1 if u'r stepkids said so. " Kids may be very reluctant to call a very fine mother "great" if she does what is good for them at times against their wishes, and may be eager to call an appalling mom / stepmom great if she panders to their every wish and jumps to their every command. I don't think the award ought to be entirely in their hands, either.
Maybe it seems that way to you, but I really don't side with CP Mom every time she plays Victim, and have roundly criticized her when I thought it would be useful, as well as deseved. I don't accept that CP Mom ( or any other reader ) has a right to be nasty to anyone --- though remember, as I only see messages before I respond to them, whatever you guys say to each other after that, I simply don't see. As you point out, CPMom has a pretty well developed capacity for not hearing what she doesn't want to hear --- then why do you consider it really helpful to be critical of her in an unpleasant way ( which sounded far more about your own inner demons than hers ) --- knowing that approaching it in that way will make it much less likely that she will hear and learn from your more reasonable points ? My comments were about those whose personal unkindness sounded much more about their own bitterness related to their own life experiences, than about the person they were ostensibly addressed to.
So I suppose much of my concern is about how much of the emotional heat of your responses were there to be helpful to the person aimed at ( yes, sometimes confrontations are essential, though they need to be skillfully planned ) and how much they were intended to be emotionally satisfying to the writer rather than the reader. Do think about that. People are welcome to vent, here, about their own experiences ; but I'd like to discourage venting AT other readers, when this will not be likely to be of any wider benefit.

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Our users say:
Posted by: STEP MOM | 2007/04/02

Thanks Just me! I take no notice of negative stuff here or anyone that doesn't read properly.
Thanks to people like you and CS this forum is really worthwhile. Thanks for the support!

Reply to STEP MOM
Posted by: Just Me | 2007/04/02

Miz Auder....you sound like a real 'fine' specimen to me!! Pray then...what qualifications allow you to spew such grand advice then....? Sure wouldn't want you living in my street.... Desperate Housewives or what...? Best of Luck!

Step Mom...you sound like you're doing just fine. Just learn to step over these 'cretins' that hover here. Bye

Reply to Just Me
Posted by: Lauren Auder ™ | 2007/04/02

Speak 2 da hand cos da face sure aint listening!

I hav spoken my mind n will not go back on my word.

Reply to Lauren Auder ™
Posted by: STEP MOM | 2007/04/02

Lauren Auder you must read the post properly. Non of my posts said anything about me doing anything to my step children other than try to teach them how to appreciate their father, show consideration and be a bit more caring, what is so wrong with that?
I have nothing to be ashamed of, I just had a wonderful week end with my step children, we had so much fun, laughed a lot, spoke about a lot of things, had a tea party and wow just going that little bit further with them made such a difference. So much so that my step son asked if he could visit on Wednesday and stay for a few days which is absolutely fine and we then planned what we are going to do while he is here - he is going to teach me how to play cricket!!!!
So Lauren Auder, don't tell me that I have something to be ashamed of. I have never done anything to my step kids to be ashamed of. I took them in with open arms when their mother abandoned them.
My original post was about how I could help my husband overcome the pain of his children not appreciating him, everyone missed the point except CS and 1 or 2 others.

Reply to STEP MOM
Posted by: Lauren Auder ™ | 2007/03/31

N please do not delete this post!

Reply to Lauren Auder ™

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