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Posted by: lulu | 2004/12/10

To C.I.

Took a big person to write that message, C.I. Thank you for that. (o: To be honest, I can't even remember what our differences of opinion were about. See? My messed up life was messing up my personality too. No excuse for my behaviour in the past few months though, I know that now.

As for the maintenance thingy, I must admit, I didn't realise how much it stressed me, because I knew from the start that I was going to win the battle. I'm just soooooo relieved it's over. It wasn't a runnaway victory either, because he tried to run me down with mental games all the time. I'm very proud of myself for standing up to him for the first time in my life. Granted, this time I had the backing of a legal advisor on call and a wonderful husband, but I still did it all by myself. ((o:

On the deaths: You're right about it fading with time, but it never really goes away. It's only been 5 weeks since the suicide and 2 months since the murder, so I'm pretty much still very much aware of how painful it can be. What I can say is, I've stopped lashing out at everything moving to ease my own pain. I've also accepted that this was in no way my fault. I'm mourning their loss now, but celebrating their lives at the same time. Does that make sense?

Anyway, thanks for the good wishes too. May you and your family also experience the true joy of Christmas and may the New Year hold nothing but prosperity for you.

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Our expert says:
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Nice to hear further from you lulu. The pain changes rather than going away completely, and gradually one can remember with happiness the good aspects of the person one lost, rather than remembering with anger and anguish the fact that we lost them. So what you said makes a whole lot of sense.

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