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Question
Posted by: Nicci | 2005/01/04

To any man that can enlighten me...

Hello all :0)

I would like some illumination on the subject of men. Specifically a mans mind.

Here's my dilemma: I have been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years now. We have a 4 month old son together and I just don't understand why he's still with me???

He's constantly telling me I'm ugly and fat and I'm too white and he doesn't like my hair etc etc....

He keeps telling me I'm not his type and he doesn't find me attractive.

So the other day I decided I couldn't take the criticism anymore and I left him. Now he's calling the whole time telling me I'm a (place obscene word here) and all sorts of things because I've broken his family appart.

I've explained that I can't love someone who doesn't love me, but he says we must stay together for the sake of our son.

Huh?????

PLease help understand his rationale!!

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Fortunately, there is no such thing as "a man's mind", any mre than "a woman's mind". WHile each sex can show some similarities in some ways, the differences between us as individuals are always greater than those between us as genders. I doubt that there's anything rational in his nasty and rude behaviour. And of course you are not, fat, ugly, or anything else, because he chooses to say so. What you've done, as Q and Liza emphasize, is above all INCONVENIENT for him, disturbing his comfort, and maybe even embarrassing him. If he has any degree of sincerity in wahnting to think of the child and the relationship, maybe you should insist that he join you in FAMSA-style relationship / couple counselling FIRST, to see if things can be worked out compatibly. If not, stop taking his calls, and ignore him until he can be civilized and polite and communicate with your considerately.

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Our users say:
Posted by: ec | 2005/01/05

Hi Nicci-i want to say GOOD FOR YOU!! don't stay in a loveless relationship, don't accept abuse of any kind, think of yourself FIRST, love yourself, your body, actually just love everything about yourself-it gives you great self esteem! you know it was not your behaviour that 'broke his family apart' he should wake up and smell the roses and change his attitude or his 'family' will always be breaking apart. Good luck!

Reply to ec
Posted by: Anon | 2005/01/04

I am in a similar situation and all I can say, apart from fully agreeing with the above responses, stay where you are.

If you go back you will probably end up in a loveless relationship for the rest of your life and your little one will suffer too!

Best wishes

Reply to Anon
Posted by: Liza | 2005/01/04

That's just it - its not really rational. He just wants the convenience back. Its inconvenient not having you there anymore. He sounds like a real a-hole. Put your foot down and give him a resounding NO! Sheesh. When I hear about men like these I just want to go back to my flat and cats and enjoy being able to do what I like, when I like.

Reply to Liza
Posted by: Q | 2005/01/04

Hi Nicci, there is no rasional!!!! He is tipical of a male that got his bread spread with butter and jam and could not eat it all. The reason why he treated you that way was because he was jelous of the baby, ever heard of the saying that if you get a baby you actually get 2!!! Well that is why, he most prob felt that you where giving to much attension to the baby and then he did what he did to get your attention. This does not make it wright that he did this and you where right to move out!!! The thing is that you now need to stand firm and tell him that ithere he starts to act like a normal person or things will get very lonely for him!!! He is now in his fase where you are all that is bad and this and that but dont let him get to you, next time he phones tell him if he does not behave you will just not answer again and that is that should put him str8!!! Best of luck you desurve mutch better than this!!!

Reply to Q

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