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Posted by: Pencil | 2005/12/05

To ...

Hi there
Thanks for your reply to my posting earlier.
I hear what you're saying.. and I admit that you might be right.
Maybe if I explain my situation better, you might get a different view on things, maybe not? Maybe you can give another opinion?
As I've mentioned before, our relationship has neeever been just moonshine and roses. It's been rocky, since the beginning. It's now two years later (literally, today) and yes - we've come a long way, but the same things still come up. His drinking habits, bad friend, this burning sensation in my heart that I want a little more out of life (although I love him so much). There were times where I've accepted that this is how my life will be, marrying this guy, moving into a nice place, having children (soon, as he's not getting any younger) and thus giving up a lot of things, including a lot of my dreams. And it's good - the thought of being with him for the rest of my life.. but it's not GREAT. For some reason a small part of me always believed that there might be someone out there that would treat me just that extra bit better etc.
Why spend this festive season with him? Because of the fact that when we break up, I take it really hard. It affects my family and friends, especially my mother and father, brother and sister. We went through a rough patch last year over Christmas (my bf and I) and although I put up a brave face, Christmas season wasn't great at all last year. I don't want to do that to my family again. I am going to go on as if nothing's wrong, for their sake. I feel it's the right thing to do. After that, when the new year comes, I'll need to make some decisions. I've tried many times to stand up for what I want and believe in with this guy... what does he do? He doesn't feel it's important enough and forces me to accept things the way they are, including the friend that causes me sleepless nights.
I need to get out of the house, away from my comfort zone, away from this relationship that's not really going anywhere (not the way I need it to go) and away from the person I am now, because this is not who I really am...

:O)

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

There is, surely, much better in store for you --- he is not your only alternaive

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Tango | 2005/12/05

Wow! You are brave - never forget it. The most important thing is to be "you"again. Be the person you are. Never deny that person again, to do so is to live a lie. That eventually erodes at the very soul.

Reply to Tango
Posted by: ... | 2005/12/05

Hi again...

I'm glad you have the opportunity to make a "new start"... and I do understand the predicament you're in too!! .. Sometimes we do have to do things to please other people.... and to keep the peace etc..... but from what I have read.... your whole existence is about all the other people in your life. What about Pencil's needs, desires, and dreams? - and so, this new look Pencil will do you good.........

What I really was saying that making changes to the circumstances you're in isn't necessarily what will help you in the future ... in terms of being able to really stand up for what you want and believe in....(Making a noise about something isn't standing up for yourself... changing things and issues the correct ultimatums and sticking to them IS)...
I suppose I just want you to realise that you're pleasing other people too much... and your feelings are being blindsided... and when you do that, other people start blindsiding you too... and this is the most important lesson you can learn in this whole situation.... to take care of Pencil's needs!

That is why I wanted you to think about what you had said......... just to take it one step further in your mind... moving house... going overseas etc... won't help you change the way you let people take advantage and how you sacrifice your time and energy for others.........

So... while following your dream... remember that you have a right to be respected for the terrific and thoughtful person you are..... and to be taken seriously!.......... good luck!! :)




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