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Question
Posted by: Annie | 2005/11/29

Tired to be strong

I'm 37 and a mother of 3 teenagers. My daugther is 18, son 15 and youngest daughter 12. We are living with my fiancè. My eldest is leaving for University next year and the yougest wants to go and stay with her dad (200km) from me. She wasn't selected prefek at her school and now refuse to go back next year. I'm working 7 to 16H00 5 days a week. It's just that I'm so tired. Tired of allways being the strong one. I'm depressive and tired. I went through my divorce 3 years ago, also being the strong one. My daughters is leaving (I have to be strong again) I'm so so tired.

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Our expert says:
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I think the prefectorial system causes far more problems than it solves, giving some kids a premature sense of being god-like when they're in fact very ordinary. At a recent 40 year reunion at my old school, I met the former Head Prefect, who has done nothing very special in his life, but sailed in assuming everyone would be terribly impressed with him, and hardly noticed that nobody was. So it seems she is over-reacting terribly to not being chosen as prefect, which ought really to be something trivial in her life. Why cant someone talk some sense into her and let her see how little this matters, versus going to a new school where she will have no status at all and take ages to make new friends.
Good sense from other readers here. It sounds as though you've done a great job as a mom so far. Now it's their turn to be strong for themselves, and let you gain some strength and support from your fiancee.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Buzz | 2005/11/29

I don't have much advice, although I can so relate to what you're saying. It's far easier to give your children an anchor in life, than to let them spread their wings.

Don't be so hard on yourself Annie, and don't have such high expectations of yourself. You can't always be strong, and when you're not, that's okay and quite human.

The joys of being a mom...
Good luck, I'm sure things will look brighter tomorrow.

Reply to Buzz
Posted by: Valkyrie | 2005/11/29

Annie, you will always be strong because that is you. Being strong is not just somethinig one decides to be - you are or either you are not. It is something you are born with and not matter what your strength will always carry you through bad times. Yes, I know what you mean when you say you are so tired. Words, I have uttered many times......but at when tradegy strikes you will be the strong one rising to the occasion! Take a few hours over the weekend, if possible, just for yourself. If not then Lock your bathroom door, your children are big enough not to break down the house while you pamper yourself in the bath. A few drops of essential oils in your bath a good exfoliation and a lovely scented body lotion and you will feel ready to go again. DO IT EVERY NIGHT!!!!!!

Reply to Valkyrie
Posted by: ~Wings~ | 2005/11/29

Dear Annie

Im sorry to hear about your dilemma, but I guess these things happen and although I don't have 3 teenage daughters, I was a teenager once and know what its like to be full of sht!!

Anyway I think you need some support and although I don't know your home situation, I guess the best thing to do would be to sit your 3 teenagers down and explain to them that they need to start helping out, dont' shout or scream or demand, come from love.

With that said, you should allow yourself some "me" time.
Time to break away from the madness and take some time to get in touch with Annie. Being a parent is incredibly demanding, and your girls need to start being responsible and taking responsibility for their actions. The one that isn't a prefect will get over it, you need to encourage her to stay committed to school and not give up - this is a powerful lesson for her and will benefit her in the future.

Best wishes Annie!
~Wings~

Reply to ~Wings~

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