Posted by: ally | 2008/01/25

tired of husband

I am married for 12 years.My husband dont communicate, even if we have problems and I ask him to talk about it he will always say there is nothing to talk about because he know that I always see him as the culprit.I dont see him as the culprit I only want him to talk about things. He never talks about anything. It sometimes feel that I am married to a stranger.He will always talk about things that does not really matter but never talk about deeper things. What can I do as I am now seriously thinking about divorce.I can no longer live with someone that dont share anything with me....

He had a very close relationship with his mother. when she use to visit us they could talk forever but he can never talk to me in that way.
Am I the problem here, I sometimes feel that I might be the problem.

He also drinks to much over weekends then he wants to shout and say what he feel and I hate that part of him,,,,,because I feel he should talk with me when he is not drunk.

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Our expert says:
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Does he respond in the same way if you emphasize that you would like his ADVICE on something, letting it seem less about who's at fault, than how to solve a problem ? I don't see any reason to assume that you are "the problem". He may have grown up trusting his mother, but feeling, for whatever reason, mistrustful of others, and scared to share any deeper feelings or thoughts with them. Have you tried, perhaps, calmly talking to his mother about this, again, askin g her advice, rather than letting it seem like a complaint about him ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: SUZIE | 2008/01/25

I definitely do not agree with the fact that you should confront him when he is drunk. When you are drunk you dont think clearly, you say things you dont mean and things can just get more out of hand than talking to him.
You can yes, listen and take in what he says when his drunk and then you confront him the next day and ask him if he really meant this.
Tell him how you feel, that you've come so far as thinking of divorce, maybe ask him if you 2 can go see a marraige counselor together. If he's not willing to work on your relationship, tell him straight that you will not be the only one that tries to hold the relationship together.
Good luck and stay strong!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Reply to SUZIE
Posted by: momo | 2008/01/25

u know,a drunk person always tells the truth,that is how he releases his stress and anger,i think u should listen to what he is telling u when he is drunk then immediately confront him at the very same moment,and also continiue that topic when he is sober the next day.

Reply to momo

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