Posted by: Bernice | 2008/11/19

Tired of fighting

Me and my husband has been maried for 15 yr, has 2 very young children...Lately we' ve been fighting alot...He has plenty of work stress, ect. For me it is starting to feel as if our relationship is doing us both more harm than good....This started a year or so ago when he often says that I can' t expect more of him, example time...He is to overworked to give more attention to the kids or help with them. So I said ok, I will stop expecting ANYTHING of him, I will carry on as if I' m a single mom and I will stop expecting attention of him....But he does help where he can....Last night was the last straw: The dr phoned and said that I need to go for blood tests to see if I have von Willebrand disease...So when I told him, he said that the medical aid is finish and can' t I do it next year...To me it feld as if he doesn' t care (this made him very angry!), he said that I misunderstood him, he does care but financially it would be better. (In my opinion, we' ve got enough money! But he wants to save every month).The second thing that really hurt me was that I asked him if I can start looking for an anivercary gift, because I didn' t get one last year....He got frustrated and said that he bought me a car of R250 000 in May(to show how gratefull he is for me giving up my job to look after the kids and helping them), this lead to the whole fight of me never getting enough and how can I expect more....I gave up my job to look after the kidz (I was in the medical profession), so I am depended on him for money....He feels that he is only wanted for the money, can' t do anything wright and I feel alone and rejected! He says he doesn' t have time to go to a psychologist for councilling...I' m worried because though we love one another....I' m at a point where it sometimes feel there is no return in healing the pain and damage in our relationship.....We are both emotionally drained, hurt and overwhelmed....I just don' t want to cary on trying just to get hurt again....At this point it feels as if I will not have the courage to ask anything of him anymore, not love, attention or money.....Am I being a drama queen and spoiled brat?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Firstly on the von Willebrand's --- its quite common, and often not urgently serious, though it does include an increased tendency to bleeding ( eg heavier periods ) and often needs no treatment at all. There are several varieties. Your doc should have told you, and should still tell you whether he considers this serious and urgent, as otherwise it's likely that you can postpone this set of tests till January or whenever, without significant risk.
I understand that it's more the attitude you feel your husband has shown than the blood tests themselves, that is bothering you. Its not a bad thing that a guy wants to save some money each month, but I understand that its the impression of being uncaring that bothers you.
Marriage counselling would indeed be a good idea, and need not take a great deal of time --- the pair of you probably already spend significantly more time arguing, than you could be spending in this more productive and useful activity

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: Leigh | 2008/11/19

Dear Bernice,

One hears about having to work hard to keep one' s marriage and this sounds like one of those times. Your husband seems to be very stressed. I know when one is in one of these situations the hardest thing is to talk rationally and quietly but you need to. Speak to your husband, tell him how important he is and your marriage is. Beg him to go to marriage counselling. The destruction of a marriage is a terrible thing. 15 years is worth fighting for. Being a doormat and carrying on like a single mother is going to make you bitter and angry. Don' t leave things as they are.
Strength and wisdom to you!

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