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Question
Posted by: tired | 2007/08/21

tired of being a monster

hi, i am 25 yrs old ,married for 41/2 yrs.my kid is 4 yrs.after his birth i felt alone and somedays i wanted to kill myself and him .i didnt go to the dr for treatment.it got better each day,but somedays i still feel as i dont want to go on.i scream at my child when he is bad,i try to disipline him by taking away his privelidges but if i can't take it any more i give him a hiding.if i ask him something nicely,he would either ignore me or tell me he don't want to do it.then i can crack sometimes.some days is better than others.his father also tries to te be patient with me and him but i am the soles care taker because my husband work alot.i want another child but is afraid i am going to to the same and i love my child very much.when i found out i was pregnant my husband was very schocked and finacially it didn't go very well,but now my husband dont want another child,keeps telling me next year.i know this is all my fault and i am trying very hard to fix were i went wrong.trying not to scream and trying not to say bad things to my kid when i am really mad.i love my child and my husband very much.can you please help me.tell me what i should do to be a better mom and wife.please don't judge me,i am really trying at home.thanks alot for your time.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Sounds like there may have been some PostNatal Depression, and now a return of depression. See a good local shrink for assessment and treatment advice. While AD meds could help, so too would CBT counselling, which could also include a focus on how to respond to your child's naughtiness and oppositional behaviour, so as to rapidly bring it back under control. Get this sorted out, and yourself well, before deciding on having another child. NObody here ought to judge you --- and I doubt that anyon else would judge you as unfairly and negatively as you seem to be judging yourself.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Kiera | 2007/08/21

dear Tired,

I have a 21 month old, so i know how difficult it can be, especially if you're practically raising the child on your own. Have you considered that you may have Post Natal depression (yes, you can still get it 4 years down the line). I had it 5 months after my little one was born and although i did not want to take conventional medications for depression, i did approach a Homeopath who gave me some tablets to take.

They were a Godsend, they workeed immediately (unlike chemical antidepressants), and within 3 months i was back to my normal self and could handle my life so much better. They also had none of the side-effects often associated with chemical meds. The are also relatively inexpensive as opposed to pharmacy bought meds.

Nobody is going to judge you - noboday has the right. You have acknowledged that you have a problem and that is a huge step. Get help now, and try really hard not to take it out on your child - it's really not his fault that you feel the way you do and all you're doing is starting a chain of action and reaction. If you are financially strapped, go to a Homeopath and get the medication you need - it really will be to your benefit and to that of your family.

I wouldn't consider having another child until you have stabilised and feel better about your life. Another baby will only add more stress to an already stressful situation.

I sincerely wish you everything of the best - PLEASE get the help you need - don't just leave it in the hopes that it may get better - it probably won't. Good luck.

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