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Question
Posted by: Spiderman | 2007/04/17

TIPS & ADVICE NOW PLZ!

Nothing tooo serious. Just kinda nervus.

Oky so last nite i asked my bfriend if he maybe wants to come over to my place...so that we can spend some quality one on one time together...coz lately we we're with his friends all the time...so he said no he can't because he needs to be home with his mom that is sick and he is tired.

So i went out with some of his friends last nite...dinner and Bronx...and who arrived at the restuarant? My bfriend...and he didnt know that i was going to be there.

When i confronted him about it...he was like...get over yourself and grow up?... just dont get it....things has been shakey for a while...and because i dont want to be lonely i plan to get a 'replacement' for him first befor i send him off...so i met this cute guy on the web...havnt hook up to meet someone face to face before after chatting on the web...so now i am SUPER NERVUS!!! about this whole meeting thing...what am i going to say...what if i run out of things to say...what if he is a total queen acting guy...(which is a huge turn of for me...i already mail him my number...what if he phone's to make arragements?...i asked him to text...coz im kinda shy....but what if he phones?!!!!! what do i need to say!!! haaaaa my hearts already beating one million times faster...just thinking bout it! TIPS, ADVICE PLEASE thanks.

ps: will tell you all about how it went tommorow!

...so go on post a reply...go on...!!!!!

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageGay, lesbian and bisexual expert

Hi again Spiderman and as always thanks for posting.

Your relationships seem to be a bit chaotic at the moment. I'm wondering whether your already looking for a 'replacement' (which sounds just too much like buying a spare part, maybe a spark plug) is due to your own fear of being rejected by your boyfriend? If this is the case you need to be wary of establishing a pattern of superficial yet dependent relationships that would do little more than possibly stave off alone-ness and loneliness in a dysfunctional manner. I suggest you discuss this with your counsellor when you see her again

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Spiderman | 2007/04/17

You guys are SUPER awsome! thanks for all the great advice...as always!

mwha!!
xxx

Reply to Spiderman
Posted by: Deeve | 2007/04/17

Hey Spidy,
I love reading your postings....I missed this part of Gay life being married.
The others have all said it beautifully, one way or the other.
My five cents .... Firstly, be true to your boyfriend and yourself, and sort that side of life out before moving on. Secondly, rather have some fun with friends, and the odd
F-|-k Buddy for a while. Your'e still very young, and there's no rush that you're going to miss out if you don't do the boyfriend thing right now! Neither of you, from what you've described to date, have been very thruthfull to each other? Thirdly, take time out to get to know and trust yourself. It's a known fact....when you're comfortable with being single, only then are you ready to share, and settle with someone else. I guess its a case of being comfortable with oneself, not being needy, or putting pressure on that other person to provide lifes joys, and that also includes time alone too!
Further than that...go have fun, and just enjoy......

Reply to Deeve
Posted by: Jack Noir | 2007/04/17

How about some alone time?
Maybe spend some time by yourself?

Just some thoughts.

Reply to Jack Noir
Posted by: Gareth | 2007/04/17

Spidy, I really also feel it is time that you call it a day with this guy. You two are just going to end up hurting each other more and more. And I have to say, the "finding a replacement first" comment also makes me very uneasy. That is REALLY not the way you do things like this. Firstly, you are messing with people's feelings here, including your own. ANd like Joe said, it will become a vicious cycle. I know that you are really afraid to be alone, but you know what, if you think about it, you already are "alone" now, meaning that you do a lot of stuff alone now anyway, go out alone, etc etc and you are absolutely fine, so I have all the confidence in the world that you will be fine too, even if you are single. You will never know if you can do this before you give it a go. ANd scary as it might seem, you may just learn a great deal about what you want when you are single. I know I did. The unknown is always scary, but we sometimes need to be brave and just do it. And that also does not mean you should stop dating. In fact, that means you can date all you want, kiss a few guys, meet a lot of new people and just have fun fun fun, without any of the complications of a relationship. I also feel that you should take a break from that for the moment. You cannot be in a relationship just for the sake of being in one. A true relationship takes really hard work and dedication and is a whole different ball of wax. And not that you can't do dit, but you are still young, you should really enjoy your youth now without those complications.

As far as this online guy. You will never know until you meet him, and you do not have to marry him. If you meet him, and you do not hit it of, or you think he is a queen or anything, just be honest with him from the word go, and tell him after the date that you think he is a cool guy, but not for you. I promise you he will appreciate it more to know it from the start rather than getting hope for anything more before he finds out you do not feel the same.

But that said, I also think you really should break up with your boyfriend first before you start dating other people. You owe him at least that respect.

Good luck Spidy, life is like a nickerball, HARD on the outside but fill of flavour and soft on the inside.

Reply to Gareth
Posted by: Boyboy | 2007/04/17

Sorry to say this but it doesn't appear you need a boyfriend right now. You need to find some friends. Don't go breaking hearts! I know you're young and still learning about relationships and dealing with emotions (esp. other peoples'!) etc, but how about keeping things casual... more like a lover & friend than a 'boyfriend'? That way you may avoid the whole messy emotional baggage that you're finding difficult to handle.

Anyway, you need to speak to your current boyfriend and let him know that it's not working and see if he feels the same. If it's not fun anymore and youre starting to avoid each other, then that's a definite sign. Remember you don't need to move from one boyfriend to the next. It's perfectly fine to take a timeout. You never know who will show up when you're not deliberately looking!

Reply to Boyboy
Posted by: Joe | 2007/04/17

You dont go into a new relationship because you are scared to be alone. Getting a replacement before you send him off??????

No no no no no - it will become a vicious cycle. Rather be on your own check out the scene and find out what you want. Not what you perceive to want being alone and all

Reply to Joe

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