Posted by: Gerdy | 2008/07/15

Time to divorce?

When does one decide enough is enough!? I’ve been married for 13-years and my husband is much older than me. Our circumstances for the last 11-years never changed. My husband is working long hours and this result him in never being at home. His daily routine consists of eat, sleep, wake-up, to work and going home. I’m responsible for the rest – taking care of the kids, the household, if the car needed to go for a service it’s my responsibility to arrange it. Husbands don’t have any other responsibility than to provide money. I have begged him, to please help me; I’m tired of doing everything on my own. I’ve been fighting for the last 11-years to get him to please look at our budget… still without any luck. With him always at work and the minimal at home, our sex life is down the drains, I’m used to getting no attention, love and care. This also resulted in me, seeking friends that are willing to charm me and make me feel gorgeous again. I have had an affair but ended it and promised myself that I will never ever betray my husband. But since the affair ended the spark is out of my life, nothing to life for. I have asked my husband how he will react if I told him that there is another person in my life. He had mixed emotions, but I have asked him I have begged him for 11-years to change, to take control, to be the man of our house but still no commitment from his side. My husband will tell me about 10 times a day that he loves me, but this is meaningless to me, as I have begged and fight with him to change and he doesn’t care. How can you love someone but you don’t care to make that person happy. I have lost all my respect for my husband and indirect I blame him for my affair because if he gave me attention and cared for me then I would have had to betray him. Please help me. Is there still hope?

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Our expert says:
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Anh chance of talking him into joining you in marriage counselling ? Some men take a mistress, some take a job which can take even more out of a marriage if it isn't kept in proportion.

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Posted by: -|||- | 2008/07/15

"Husbands don’t have any other responsibility than to provide money.", Which can be quite a tall order if I may say so. From the side line it doesn't look to me if you guys has a common reason to wake up for in the morning. You wake up to pay the bills and see to the kids and the household. He wakes up to make the money to keep the system going.

What would you say if your husband went: "How difficult can it be for a woman to see to the kids, pay the bills and run the household if she's got the financial back-up" ? Not one of the two arguments holds true. Everyone has their own problems.

As I see it the purpose of being in a relationship / marriage is to make this potentially rocky ride they call 'life' as smooth as possible for each other by applying your strenghts to elleviate the other one's 'pain'. Even if it means rushing off to the One stop to buy her pads while she in the mean while gets ready for work (like I and at least 10 other guys around Jo'burg had to do this morning :-) ). I think you guys are simply not playing for the same team !!!!!!! All is not lost. Go see a cousillor. Get a common goal and work towards it. Stop keeping score of who supposedly has the easiest ride............

Reply to -|||-
Posted by: 23 | 2008/07/15

you had sex with a other person!!! that all i can see!

what if you got aids??? and then gave it to your hubby? then what?
like you said he works long hours!!! why does he work?
to pay the rent,bills,cars,school fees,food, stuff for you and the kids.

the way i see it!!! you looking at how to make your self happy!!! have you every asked your hubby if he is happy?????

why dont you also get a job then you will see how draining it is!!

he works all day to bring money into the home! and after a long day of work he has to put up with you giving him shit!!!

what if he found out you cheated? and left you and the kids! what would you have then?

to me it sounds like you thinking about your self!

Reply to 23
Posted by: HERE IT IS | 2008/07/15

Posted by: Tamla
Gentlemen pls I need to know if this is true. Ladies welcome to comment too. Answer truthfully pls, I can take it! I think!

I'm 34 and have bn out of 'the game' for a while and am trying to get back into dating again. But apparently I have archaic thoughts about the process, thoughts which urgently need revision. Last time I dated, and yes it was close to 7 years ago, you met a guy, you liked him he liked you and you started dating exclusively. You got on well together and it went from strength to strength, unless u broke up for some reason.

Seemingly things have changed. I have been out on a couple of coffee, lunch and dinner dates and I keep thinking things shd 'grow' from there. I even began a sexual relationship with the one guy. Then i found out he was also sleeping with other women so I promptly got out of there! But apparently i have 4gotn about the 'elimination process'. My sister and my girlfriends all keep telling me I shdn't refuse to keep seeing a guy just becoz he is seeing other ppl. They say over time a man decides who to eventually go with but is quite free to 'date' as many women as he likes until he makes his mind up about who he wants to call his lady.

'Over time' is what? A month? Two? A year??

They point out that in the 1st place, there is no such thing as a man who is seeing absolutely no one. I've told them I want to meet a guy who is alone, I don't want to meet a guy I have to 'persuade' to be with me! However my girls tell me it works thus - u meet a guy and u need to accept he obviously has a f** buddy or two - or three. He may even actually be dating someone. But if he thinks you are the one for him, he will GRADUALLY eliminate the others. But until he decides to, there can be 3 or 4 of u and u shdn't complain, u shd instead b pleased ur in the running and hope that eventually the others will be told to get lost.

WHAT?? I just want to know if this is true. IS IT TRUE that there is no such thing as a guy who has not even one f*** buddy? Every man is sleeping with someone, even if its very casual and he doesn't even know her last name? Is it true that when u meet a guy he will not immediately phase out his other sexual options, until he knows 1) what ur like in bed 2) if your personality is compatible with his 3) if he even wants to be in a serious relationship.

So a woman must hang around indefinitely while a guy decides these things? Becoz if she withdraws, she simply puts herself out of the running in a world where women far outnumber men?

Bottom line - if u want to make him yours, u need to accept there is competition and keep upping yr game until you effectively eliminate all competition.

Since when did dating follow these rules. Am i thinking like a dinosaur?? Everyone i have spoken to says there is no such thing as being a man's only option when he first meets u. And they point out u may not be his only option for a while. My sister and girlfriends must have laughed for over an hour when i told them I wanted to meet a man who was seeing no one else and I didn't want to fight and fight and fight to make a man mine. They laughed until they were giddy.

eish... :(
Date: 15/7/2008

Reply to HERE IT IS
Posted by: FROM 'man talk' site | 2008/07/15


Reply to FROM 'man talk' site
Posted by: kim | 2008/07/15

he has been this way since the start and you should of set boundaries then in the beginning if he makes you that unhappy then leave, why stick it out, he is not going to change. before you say how hard done by you are look at other people and you will see that yours is not that bad. and being unfaithful is just plain wrong and can not be justified if you want to get love and attention else where leave your husband as you can not have your cake and eat. something is obviously keeping you there or you would of left long time ago - maybe you are in a comfort zone.

Reply to kim
Posted by: a-nonnie | 2008/07/15

I’m responsible for the rest – taking care of the kids, the household, if the car needed to go for a service it’s my responsibility to arrange it.




Reply to a-nonnie
Posted by: Lolo | 2008/07/15

You need to book for Merriage Councelling, make him aware of the Concequences.

Reply to Lolo
Posted by: oz | 2008/07/15

There is still hope, you must shake him up by telling him that you had enough, if he does not change now you can see no light for your marraige anymore.It sound harsh but how can you go on like this.It sounds that he is a workahcolic(hope this is spell correct), but to have a marraige like yours sorry, it will not work for me.Hope this help.

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