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Question
Posted by: anne | 2012/09/17

time

My boyfriend, who I live with, is always running late. I have to constantly wait for him. It is driving me nuts as value my time! Because of this, I get irritated, and then pick a fight with him. On friday we had a major fight because he was going overseas and I had to take him to the airport. I told him I would be home straight after work so that we could spend some time together and then go for dinner. When I got home, he had only started packing, so I watched him pack for an hour where I could have gone to gym as per normal and still been home to go to dinner. I was furious that he wasted an hour of my time. I tend to prioritise the man in my life, however I dont get the same feeling coming from him. Since he has been away, I have been happy as I do not have to constantly wait around for him and wasting my time idly. I work full time and therefore my spare time is very precious. However he works from home and has all the time in the world. He procrastinates a lot of the time which annoys me as he could get so much more done. Are these deal breakers in a relationship? Or am I just lacking patience? Or making a big deal out of nothing? Or not used to compromise? I just dont know anymore....

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Can you persuade him to recognize that this is a problem ( for you and probably for other people in his life, such as at work ) and to agree to enter with you into marriage counselling to sort it out ?
Meanwhile and anyway, treat your own time as valuable from now on. Explain it to him clearly, once, that you will no longer wait for him because he is choosing to be disorganized. Stop waiting for him. Agree or announce the time for departure, or meeting, or whatever, give him 10 minutes grace, and then leavbe and go ahead on your own.
Is this sort of thing a deal-nreaker ? It depends on the details of the deal !

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4
Our users say:
Posted by: Me | 2012/09/17

Make him wait for you once or twice and see if he likes it. I personally dont think its a deal breaker. It''s something that can be sorted out if you both want to.

Reply to Me
Posted by: Phil | 2012/09/17

Can''t tell you if it''s a deal breaker for everyone. For me  it would be. If someone or anyone interferes with my time or my routine  I get really p*ssed off.
And actually  i don''t even negotiate or compromise at all. But I might be extreme. The point is  those small things becoem the big things eventually....

Reply to Phil
Posted by: Maria | 2012/09/17

There is no rule on whether or not it''s a dealbreaker, that''s up to you do decide. However if he irritates you that much, do you see a long term future for your relationship? Can you maybe discuss it with him and compromise... he will do his best to do things on time more often while you will try to be more relaxed? Discuss this when you are not pressed for time at all and when you are both calm.

Reply to Maria
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/09/17

Can you persuade him to recognize that this is a problem ( for you and probably for other people in his life, such as at work ) and to agree to enter with you into marriage counselling to sort it out ?
Meanwhile and anyway, treat your own time as valuable from now on. Explain it to him clearly, once, that you will no longer wait for him because he is choosing to be disorganized. Stop waiting for him. Agree or announce the time for departure, or meeting, or whatever, give him 10 minutes grace, and then leavbe and go ahead on your own.
Is this sort of thing a deal-nreaker ? It depends on the details of the deal !

Reply to cybershrink

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