Our expert says:
You raise a number of issues. When it comes to enjoyment of different kinds of sex, it is important to recognise that each person is different. Like food – people enjoy some types more than others. Using alcohol or drugs to desensitise yourself during sex is counterproductive. Honest discussion needs to happen. Pretending all is well when it isn’t builds resentment and can negatively affect sexual relationships. Start by affirming him as a person then say you would like to explore ways to make sex great for both of you. Extended anal (or vaginal) sex can cause irritation of the mucous membrane and pain. Tightness can be simulated with firm masturbation or mouth stimulation (oral sex). Anal sex can be made more comfortable by using a lot of lubrication and being fully relaxed. Delayed ejaculation may relate to anxiety and an inability to ‘let go’ (release). I suggest you delay penetration until just before climax. Vibrators may be helpful – some can be inserted into the vagina followed by penis penetration. The vibrator will give the extra stimulation which may help ejaculation. Some relationship exercises are available on the SA Sexual Health Association website. Expert opinions are provided by the SA Sexual Health Association: www.sexualhealth.co.za
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