Posted by: PMN | 2008/06/09

Tight anus

I have a very tight anus and it is very painful when having sex. I don't have anal sex that often, maybe once in six months, could this be the reason? i see people get penetrated easily and i get worried that a condom will break inside me. How did they get 'loose'? How do i get loose so I can enjoy good safe sex? have sex often? Buy dildo?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageGay, lesbian and bisexual expert

Hi to you PMN, welcome to the forum and thanks for posting.

Anal sex should never be painful! Pain is an indication that your anal muscles - two muscles that surround your rectum - are not sufficiently relaxed to allow comfortable penetration. You have conscious control over the outer sphincter muscle (surrounding the opening to your ass) but not over the inner muscle - and unless you are both physically and mentally relaxed the inner muscle will remain stubborn and uncooperative. Even concern about a condom breaking inside you could keep that inner muscle tense. Many people feel guilty or ashamed of wanting or having anal - please read an article called 'Part 1: The anal taboo', in the articles attached to the forum (a link appears above).

How to relax your ass? Make friends with it! Teach, train and gently coach it to accept and to enjoy being penetrated. Find a very private and comfortable space, make sure you are relaxed and comfortable and literally play with yourself - using PLENTY of lube gently explore your anal area with one finger. Get used to and allow yourself to enjoy the sensations. Finger yourself - very slowly and gently - and you'll feel the inner sphincter muscle... when you sense it tense up back your finger off slightly and then go back there again. Always slowly and gently. With time and lots of play your ass will learn not to tense up when it is being penetrated. Move on to two fingers and go through the same process.

Then maybe let a partner simply play with there, very slowly and gently, using one and then two fingers - as soon as you feel any sense of discomfort he must back away from that area slightly. Make sure that both you and your partner understand that this slow and sensual anal massage will not lead to penile penetration, and that there's absolutely no reason for your ass to feel anxious.... the entire point is to get your muscles trained to relax. And while he's massaging you become familiar with different sensations from your prostate.

Sure you can buy a toy but start with something on the smaller side - maybe a smallish butt plug. You can always graduate to larger toys as your ass becomes more accommodating.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: hero | 2008/06/12

are you really gay ?

Reply to hero
Posted by: Azrael | 2008/06/11

Wow Brad, that's not very nice! Do you have unresolved issues in your life that you're so quick to judge the patrons of this forum?

I apologize on Brad's behalf, PMN...

Reply to Azrael
Posted by: LONEWOLF | 2008/06/11

I Brad. I don't know. Let's wait and see

Posted by: Brad | 2008/06/10

Yet another idiotic joker?

Reply to Brad
Posted by: Gareth | 2008/06/10

I agree with Lonewolf. The key is patience. You are probably all stressed up before you are penetrated - like you said, worried the condom will break etc. That can definitely play a role. So yes, relax, extended foreplay, and if you are worried about the condom breaking, ask your bf to put 2 condoms on to be sure. But then relax, allow him to play with you, and "open you up". Start with one finger until you are comfortable with it and then 2, etc, and go from there. Use lots of lube as well. Make it kinky and enjoy the sensation. Once you are relaxed, you'll see that you are not so tight after all. And if he does penetrate you, ask him to take it very slow. The initial burn usually goes away after a minute or two.

Reply to Gareth
Posted by: LONEWOLF | 2008/06/10

How relaxed and comfortable you are with the notion of receiving anal sex plays a role. Then extended foreplay might also help. A dildo will not "stretch" your anus, as it is surrounded by the sphincter muscles that contracts the moment penetration is over. Relax, play a bit and before you know it….. Enjoy, and remember to be safe


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