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Question
Posted by: Sindi | 2007/11/28

TICKED OFF!!!!!!

My husband is really dissapointing me. He has a hobby, which is fine, I have my own hobby. Thing is, his requires him to be infront of he PC all the time. He is not stuck to the PC, he does help out in the house and so on, it's not that he comes home goes and sits there and I dont see him. Thing is, he has been praying to get out of his current job for such a long time. He gets a terrible salary and his boss is a complete prick. To make a long story short, he had a wonderful opportunity come his way and went for an interview tow Fridays ago. Turns out that his hours will be slightly longer than now and he might be on stand-by one weekend a month. They are offering a very good salary. Now he is not sure if he should take the job as he will then not be able to 'do his thing on the computer' as he calls it. What is up with that reasoning????? We live in a dump and this job could at least help us get somewhere. He can work himself up there, where he is now, he cannot grow at all and things will not get better. If I had this opportunity I would have grabbed it with both hands. It seems as though he only thinks of himself. I don't know what to do with him anymore.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Hmm, this needs more calm discussion between the pair of you. A hobby is a good thing, as some refreshing fun --- but to turn down a potentially good and happy job, with good pay and prospects, just in order to be able to spend more time sitting in front of the computer. Also, remind him that one reason he nowadays feels so desperately in need of all that time "doing his thing" on the computer, is BECAUSE he has a lousy job and lousy boss, and no fulfillment or satisfaction within that job. If the new job brings more of that, he will probably find that while he can still enjoy his time on the computer, he won't NEED it so much, as it won't be his ONLY source of satisfaction and enjoyment.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Sindi | 2007/11/28

Thank you very much CS.

I will try and talk to him this evening.

Thanx again!

Reply to Sindi
Posted by: Sindi | 2007/11/28

Thanx Che.

Yes, we have spoken about that and he has asked me how I would feel if he had to work longer hours and I told him that I had not problem with that as long as he is happy in his job and feels like he is actually part of a team, not like where he is now. I really don't have any problem with him working longer hours. He is just so procrastinating!!!!! Everything gets put off until I finally do it at the last minute. His mom died when he was in matric and I dont thing she did such a great job teaching him about life and relationships and so on. She was too busy in their business. I feel now like I have to teach him these things. Small things my mom use to always say to me, he did not have that guidance. He is also an only child and that is sometimes a bit of a battle, too as he never learned to share his time and so on. I guess people are going to start judging and say I should never have married him etc etc etc. Ja, I did dig my own hole!!

Reply to Sindi
Posted by: Che | 2007/11/28

Hey Sindi

All you can do in this instance is sit down with him and have a discussion about future plans - where you guys are going and how you are going to get there. You need to let him know that his hobby is not going to pay the bills and this oppurnity has come along for a reason and that he should take it for you guys. You must support him now and when he takes the job cause i'm sure if you make the advantages clear to him he will take the job. Dont in future complain that you dont spend enough time together because of his job. Small sacrafices now will help you guys in the long run.

Reply to Che

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