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Question
Posted by: Upset | 2004/11/15

Throwing people away???

Is it unreasonable to be upset after finding out that a relative has given an unplanned baby up for adoption? She has three other children already and working part-time. What I do not understand is why all the secrecy around it. Another relative happened to see it written on the chart when she was being admitted. How can she throw a human being away like that? Or am I just sentimental because I also have a small baby of my own. But I feel very sorry for the child and think that as people we should learn that our actions have consequences.

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Our expert says:
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I'm not quite sure why you fel that this is your business ? If she is unable to care properly for the child, the child may have a far happier life if given for adoption to someone who really wants him / her. But this relative surely urgently needs detailed advice about contraception, so as to stop having babies she can't afford to care for properly. Unplanned babies are not unavoidable.

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Our users say:
Posted by: ZAS | 2004/11/15

HI THERE, I MUST SAY I TAKE MY HAT OFF TO SOMEONE THAT GIVES THEIR BABY TO PEOPLE THAT CANNOT HAVE A BABY OF THEIR OWN. IM SURE THAT BABY WILL RECEIVE MORE LOVE THAN ANYTHING IN THIS WORLD. PLEASE DONT JUDGE YOUR COUSIN, SHE PROBABLY FEELS SAD AT THE MOMENT, LISTEN, TRY AND HELP HER THRU THIS DIFFICULT TIME. ITS THE BEST THING SHE COULD HAVE DONE FOR THAT BABY.

Reply to ZAS
Posted by: Justine | 2004/11/15

hi;

I understand what you mean my sisiter gave up a baby for adoption she has 3 children and also tried to abort the baby, that was 3 yrs ago, I think about that baby everyday and wonder, but you know what you must just remember she has given a couple a wonderful gift. and you must remember that she has to live with the decision she has made and maybe if you gave her support and told her what a great gift she has given she will open up to you and the two of you can work through it together.

Good Luck

Reply to Justine
Posted by: PARIS | 2004/11/15

Even if she didn't follow the correct procedures, she would have given the child to some one who wanted one more than any thing in the world. I dont think she would have given him to some one she saw as unfit.

Why dont you ask her yourself, and get the facts straight. As it sounds like their might be a different side to this story.

Its very hard these days to not go through some sort of angency. And the new parents would have gone the legal route as to ensure any future head aches.

PARIS
XXX

Reply to PARIS
Posted by: lady nina | 2004/11/15

hi there

i can understand that you are upset but you are being nosey

giving a child up for adoption is a very private and sensitive matter and i'm sure a person who goes that route has thought it thru before signing the papers , if she had no heart she would have had an abotion but the fact that she carried the child for 9 months and then giving him/her away must be a traumatic experience -she doesn't need you judging her - it's her life, he body and her baby and reading your posting i can quite understand why the poor lady chose to go through all this alone

nina

Reply to lady nina
Posted by: Upset | 2004/11/15

I knew about the pregnancy. What I did not know about was the decision to give the baby away. That was kept a secter unitl the end.She asked me to help her abort it when she was 6 months and I said no (give her money for it). Then I thought that everything was OK that she had accepted the child and so on. The worst thing is that she is just giving the just up and I do not think that she has followed the proper procedures.

Reply to Upset
Posted by: PARIS | 2004/11/15

Would you have preferred the baby to be kept with a mother who could possibly not afford to give the child what it needed. Then the family would cry that she is an unfit mother, or would you have preferred to have an abortion?

I think this woman is so strong to be able to have a baby grow inside her for 9 months, and then hand it to some one that could never experience the joy of pregnancy and parenthood. She is giving the child a future that she understandably couldn't give. I think you're wrong to judge her so. If you didn't even know about this pregancy i doubt very much that you're close to her. Also remember that doing this is also very emotional. Give some thought to what she went through, and what she lives with today. Be there to support her, regardless how selfish she seems to you.

You have no reason to feel sorry for the child. Adoption agencies screen potential parents down to the nitty gritty. This child will be extremely loved and appreciated.

Regards,

PARIS
XXX

Reply to PARIS

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