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Question
Posted by: miss | 2004/11/01

thoughts of affair update

hello

last week i posted about how i was considering having an affair. after reading some stuff on the net and reading your replies, i put those awful thoughts out of my head and took your advice to have an affair with my husband.

that didnt work.

i got brushed off the entire weekend and on saturday i heard him masturbating in the bathroom. lately he is so moody and takes any opportunity to have a go at me. he is so serious about everything and this is driving me away. i dont want to be driven away, i dont want to be craving excitement like i am, i dont want to be feeling like this because even just thinking about all this makes me feel i am already being unfaithful to him before i have even done anything.

what makes it worse is i am sure he knows what is going on in my head because he dropped a comment at the weekend about this male friend of mine who i want to go for the drink with. he has picked up on my thoughts i know, but he does nothing about it. he wont consider conselling either so where does this leave us? what can i do to stop myself craving another man for a bit of fun? if i can just rid my mind of those thoughts i will be ok for now.

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Our expert says:
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Isnt marriage counselling an option ? Surely he recognizes that something is wrong which ought to be worth putting right ? If he really is that stupid, then go for counselling on your own, to explore your options and be more sure of making a wider decision. Even the idea of a trial separation may be worth exploring.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Trish | 2004/11/01

Take your life back before you lose who you are completely. The fact that he doesn't seem interested and brushes you off should be warning bells in your head. Is he being faithful? Rather than have an affair, stand your ground and ask for a trial separation. Spend time on yourself concentrating on your needs - no affairs mind you - just time at a spa or with friends. Sometimes men just need to be reminded that they aren't expendable. If that doesn't work, then perhaps leaving him is the answer. You can be happy again and fulfilled.

Reply to Trish
Posted by: TW | 2004/11/01

Sorry to hear that, im sure you must be feeling hurt and frustrated. The best next step for you is to REALLY have a sit down and get those feeling out there...

He needs to know what you are feeling and you how he is feeling otherwise this marraige will dissolve right in front of your eyes...

Yes you are going through an incredibly tough time but hang in there a marriage is worth saving if you can, after all you were both in love when you married each other ... maybe you can still get that passion back but you need to start doing something soon before to late...

God bless

Reply to TW
Posted by: Similar | 2004/11/01

Whose life are you living?
Yes, you shared your life with this man, who is now refusing to shsre his with you?
The terms have changed.
HOWEVER, an affair is wrong. Why not get on with your life, but not with an affair with a married man. You'd be doing it because you can... to get back at him possibly... NOT in th best interest of your life, and at the same time you;re hurting another marriage. When people have problems in the marraige, sort it out, or get out. Please don;t hurt another marriage because your isn't working.
BUT, on the other hand, girl, you sound like a woman who wants to live life and enjoy it! And you owe that to yourself. Don't let him bring you down. You may have to consider leaving him - chic, you have ONE life to live and it's up to you what you do with it. Good luck, step up, not down.
Cheers.

Reply to Similar
Posted by: Mary | 2004/11/01


Listern, if my b/friend / husband didnt want to have sex with me and pushed me away I would definately get a fling on the side too!

Reply to Mary

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