Our expert says:
Mrs D you raise some excellent points. Anyone who dates, let alone marries, anyone with children, must recognize that those kids are part of the deal - they are inescapably a part of that person. If you dotn't like or can't accept the kids, the relationship is OVER. And to conceal this deermination to minimize contact with the existing kids until after a marriage is dishonest as well as unfair.
Otherwise, it's like marrying someone and then insisting that they MUST be taller.
And don't the spouses you describe realize that if they can push their spouse into neglecting his/her own existing kids, why should they expect him to be more consistently loving for any kids they might produce together ?
OK, it is legitimate for a couple to be concerned if the biomom or biodad is neglecting the kids, if they're not pulling their own weight, if the kids might be at some sort of risk when with them, and so on. But those would be concerns for the well-being of the kids, not the selfish interests of the new spouse.
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