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Posted by: VM | 2004/12/15

Think I am going nuts

Last night I did something very stupid. I cant help myself though! My recent ex wont talk to me as you know, he wont even sms me anymore. I really feel the need to know why he left, and I need answers as to why he left the way he did. I bought a starter pack and called him from it (he puts the phone down when he sees its me or a no-number) he was in a pub, with lots of laughing etc. He sounds just fine. I didnt talk just hung up. This of course made me feel even worse. I feel so stupid for doing that, like Glen Close in fatal attraction (kidding), but you get the picture? How can it be that he means so much to me, and I so little to him? Am I becoming obsessive? How do I get myself back on track and functioning in the real word again? I dont like this side of myself at all. I put up my christmas tree last night - the first one by myself (I moved out of home to move in with my ex). It has always epitomised the joy of the festive season for me, but last night I just felt sad, alone and really pathetic. I feel like I am losing it.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Hi VM,
We sometimes fiercely feel the need for answers, maybe we don't always need them as much as it feels like ; and often we can't get the answers we want, when we want, but they emerge later on, if we can be patient enough to wait for them to emerge. Get more functional in your own real world --- family and friends, and let go of him. If he is meant to be a special friend of yours, he will return in time. If he doesnt come back in contact with you, then he was never yours all along. Then move on, there will be others, even better, in your life, if you allow that to happen.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: VM | 2004/12/15

Zee, I dont even want to consider that possibility. I am hurting so badly, I feel sick. I just dont know how I am going to cope, my subject the other day was : Im drowning in sadness. Its exactly how I feel, like this whole thing is a thick viscous oil that is smothering me! I hate this.

Reply to VM
Posted by: Zee | 2004/12/15

Hi VM

I hope u get better. It looks like u trusted this man so much and he let u down. Dont be fooled by what he says with his mouth eg I dont have anyone else, Do u think he will spell it out to u after everything u went through?. Obviously, he wants his bread buttered on both sides in case it does'nt work out wherever he is.

I dont believe that someone will just want to be alone all of a sudden, sorry I would'nt fall 4 that. I once had a b/friend like that who always told me he needs to be alone, guess what I found at the end, He was having an affair.

This guy is playing with ur mind and ur love, knowing how u feel about him. He ll keep on bouncing to and fro if u allow him. Stand up 4 urself gilrl and close this chapter of ur life.

Experience life, have fun with friends and family and be strong u can overcome this. Dont fall 4 his tricks and u ll always be his second best

Gud luck

Reply to Zee
Posted by: VM | 2004/12/15

Thanks guys, when he smsed me on Sunday to ask for forgivness, he said there was no one else, that he wanted to be alone. I hope he was telling the truth. I need answers to get closure on this whole thing. Is it crazy to still want to be friends with him?

Reply to VM
Posted by: Zee | 2004/12/15

Hi VM

This is just my opinion. I honestly think the only reason why ur man dumped u this way is becoz he has someone else and is happy with his choice. He is selfish though, he cannot tell you straight considering what u two went through, and is afraid of hurting u.

To me, that can be an explanation, and I advise u to stop digging much on his reasons for leaving as u can get hurt even more than u are. Just try to be strong and move on with ur life and Know that its his loss not urs.

Get some professional counselling to help u go through this and believe me Time is a healer, U ll be fine. I think u desrve much better than this "Coward".

Cheers

Reply to Zee
Posted by: Dude | 2004/12/15

a bonzia wow... thats inventive and creative ... u go girl...

yea... didn't think I put names in that one but guess its a shyte load of a post... dow!

maybe takin all that energy and focusin on somethin like doin upur home is cool... am tryna do that instead but my curtain rails are to short for the bay windows... am gonna fix that one today... keep ur chin up... ur ex sounds like he is gettin out and about and if u can I would suggest it as it is a nice distraction from the home alone syndrome...

Reply to Dude
Posted by: VM | 2004/12/15

Thanks Dude, I actually just decorated my Bonsai with ribbons and bows. Its a horrible time of year to be dumped, but is there ever a good time?

I feel sad and empty. He seems to be fine,and by no stretch of the imagination, happy. But no matter how hard I try, I cant be angry at him, just incredibly sad and depressed. Maybe its to soon for me to be angry. I just hope I dont become abusive like Helen has with you. I am sorry for your situation as well.

Reply to VM
Posted by: Dude | 2004/12/15

Hi there...

it's a really bad time of year to get dumped... am so sorry that u feelin this way... it is however due to circumstance and if u livin in a house that was meant to b for 2 then i understand fully how u feel... am in the same boat... no xmas tree though... only done that once and it was fun... it's just going to b time that keeps u going and healin...

all the best
Dude

Reply to Dude
Posted by: me | 2004/12/15

Hi VM. He is feeling pain just like you are. I had the same feeling about my b/f. I called him to talk to him and he agreed to meet me. When he sat down in front of me and I asked him why he broke up with me, he started to cry. He actually had to leave the shopping centre! I was the one who was strong and consoling him. Meanwhile, for the 2 weeks before, I couldnt stop crying. So, dont take his macho exterior as though he feels nothing. Underneath it all, he is hurting, maybe more than you!

Reply to me
Posted by: VM | 2004/12/15

I am going down to the coast to visit my aunt and cousins.

I do not want to move back home, its like admitting that I cant function on my own. Like admitting defeat. I just wish he was as miserable as I am. I cant pretend that he doesn't exist, he has been such a huge part of my life, we have gone through a hell of a lot together, he is my best friend in the whole world. Or he was at any rate.

Reply to VM
Posted by: jojo | 2004/12/15

Why dont you move back home for the holiday season - and use this diffiult tiem to be with your familiy who can support you and make you feel happy and all :)

You dont need him , so try pretend he doesnt exsist anymore and be festive with your fam...

Dont be alone over holiday season...

Reply to jojo

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