Posted by: NotFavouriteChild | 2009/04/02

They never expected me to live

I' m one of 2 children with a big gap between my sister and I. Apparently my parent lost a lot of pregnancies/babies between us - and after me. I think this may be the reason why they never really loved me. Another may be that from around the age of 12 my sister was a sickly child therefore needed a lot of attention.
I really believe they don' t really care about me/at least not as much as they care about my sister for the following reasons

1. difference in reaction to when each of us said we were planning to get married -my father said of my sister - ' this is the child I wished would' nt marry' 
2. reaction to our achievements
3. Mom' s choice of who to visit. we lived 1 street apart but she preferred going to my sister' s and asked me to come see her there. She spent some nights with us but it was clear that it is an' equalising'  action not what she really wants.
4. many other reasons.

Anyway I guess I' m just voicing my frustration and hope that I won' t show favouritism amongst my children...

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Sorry, folks, for the delay in responding. I've spent an anxious day in the dark, as Tshwane City Council can't keep the lights on, and this is my third power-cut this year.
I have known it happen, that with parents who have lost many pregnancies / young children, they get scared to love each child, for fear of yet again losing them. But they should of course re-adjust to the happy even of a child living. And, also, as you say, a sickly child like your sister needs a lot of attention, and care, and they may unwittingly neglect the other child. Most unfortunate.
You've made the right decision --- respond by making sure that you don't repeat the mistakes they made. And maybe discuss it with them, calmly, some time.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: Nellie | 2009/04/03


I also experienced that and ever since I ve made peace that my mother does not love me and I ve decided to live my life with my kids love them equally and not make the same mistakes my mom did I am a lot happier. I used to crave her love and did things for her like buying her stuff and it felt like i am buying her love and she' s never accepted me. She illtreated me as a child and she still does it. I am an adult I have kids I have my own house, she does' nt like my husband, comes to my house tells me I am a bad mother and yet all my siblings still live at home unemployed.
I ve cut her off and a lot happier.

Reply to Nellie
Posted by: Bob' s Girlfriend | 2009/04/02

Hi Dear

I am one of 4 children and regardless of what I have achieved in my life and that I have made more money than any sibling, drive a better car than any sibling etc i have also never been " good enough" 

You have to come to a stage in your life where you decide i will not let this hurt me anymore. Its useless heartache because they will never change.

And another thing you must not think it' s just " against"  you - when there are granchildren this will continue. Girlfriend get use to it and get over it and you will be a much happier person.

Since i' ve made peace with it I am. And I do have children and I love them to death, I give to all equally in material and love.

I might even say i am over compensating for the lack I' ve had in my life.

Once I asked why do I never get the hugs and I was told since you were a baby you did not like hugs and people holding you. My shirnk helped me through this saying its not your fault as no child is born disliking hugs and being touched.

All of the best.

Reply to Bob&#39 s Girlfriend
Posted by: Kel | 2009/04/02

Well since you have been through all of this, then you know better so one day you can do better (with your kids). you will HAVE a second chance loving your kids equally, that should be comforting enough for you. dont dwell on this anymore, leave it alone and be happy. your day will come when you can truly love you children.

Reply to Kel

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