Posted by: adam | 2008/07/12

they don't deserve a baby

My brother and his long-time live-in girlfriend got pregnant by mistake and have a beautiful baby. The girlfriend is a very self-centered person and can't wait to offload the baby every time someone visits them or they visit someone else.My brother adores the baby but has a very demanding job with long hours every single day.The girlfriend went back to work halfway through her allocated paid maternity leave and the tiny baby is in a creche. Many friends and relatives have voiced their disapproval of this, but the couple see nothing wrong with it. I take my own fatherhood very seriously and my wife stays home the first year of our babies' lives, by choice, even though it is a financial burden.. I am just worried my brother's baby will grow up with poor emotional health and improper values, never mind al the germs and bad habits picked up at creche.. How does one get these parents to understand?

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Our expert says:
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Adults are allowed to be folish, unless someone else, such as a child, is placed at risk. So this arangement may be less than the best imaginable, but is probably not specifically harmful. As fgor germs at creche, it's not clear, but some experts believe that some exposure to a wider range or orgdinary germs could stimulate the development of a child's immune system more than remaining in a miore sterile environment at home.
And yes, sadly, there are so many people who would be superb parents who can't conceive, and so many who will never manage to be even adequate parents who conceive too easily. I've often thought its a pity that our natural state isn't infertile, so that people would have to think carefully and take a Ceptive pill in order to become able to conceive.

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Our users say:
Posted by: gran | 2008/07/14

Just a few words from a "granny" who is related to a situation just like this. Everybody needs to calm down. I know that in our family, the young parents love their baby dearly. It is not for us to judge how they should rear him, whether or not we agree with what they are doing. It could well be that these parents are better at parenting when they are able to devote themselves to their careers during working hours. A matter of quality vs quantity.And quite frankly, although I was fortunate in that my own children did not need to attend creche, I believe that a registered creche is a safer place for a little one than at home with an unqualified nanny or with a worn out, unwilling, frustrated mother.Also, you get so many differents types of parents and who is to say which are better? Adam dear, just keep your eyes open for the sake of this little one, but keep your mind open too. Be guided by love, not judgement.

Reply to gran
Posted by: Zola | 2008/07/14

My kids went to creche at a young age because I had to work. It did not harm them a bit, actually they were happy to be around other children to play with rather than stuck at home with me. The srecret is shopping around for a good creche that is not too crowded and looks clean etc.

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Posted by: slr | 2008/07/14

i never went to creche, my mother stayed at was the worst thing ever. I never learnt how to socialize and was panicky when i had to go to real school.

so stop thinking you are a perfect parent. you are not.

Reply to slr
Posted by: visitor | 2008/07/14

i dont think u should be interfering or judging them. you sound like u think u are the perfect parent and have done things the perfect way. well its not always possible. i know of lots of babies that have had to go to a creche at a young age and it didnt kill them!!! the child is loved and is not abused so its not for the family to voice their disapproval. your brother is as selfish as she is it seems but it seems your family is only blaming her.

Reply to visitor
Posted by: Britty | 2008/07/13

Its a difficult situation and perhaps there is no real solution. However perhaps you and your wife can find it in your hearts to be kind to this child by making sure the child is loved and protected. You are after all the child's uncle and a close family member. Obviously you would put your wife and childrens needs first but surely there would be something left over for this child as well. You sound like a caring person and I am sure you will not see this little one lost.

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