Posted by: TC | 2004/11/09

Therapists v Clients (patients)

How possible is it that the therapist’s own human/personal factors (experience – e.g. attitude to relationship due maybe to his/her relationship failure etc) could have some bearing on his/her objectivity during therapy and how can a client determine that?


We often visit therapist for counselling just to improve on our relationship, our individual personal behaviours and above all to seek some "best practices" from a professional. To our dismay, we always/usually find these therapists adding little or nothing to us, our lives, and relationship at the end of each session. Nor have they improved our relationship.

The recent episode is that the therapist just told us that we are not compatible within the first 10 - 20 minutes of the first couple session. Simply because we differed in certain aspects or how we view certain life aspects.

We do not believe that. We love each other. We were very happy over the weekend. We motivate each other. We complement each other.

We are merely trying to improve on our relationship and the way we tackle our issues or challenges.

How could such a beautiful couple full of energy and enthusiasm and love just be ruled out like that?

Besides, there is not even a tool that the therapist has equipped us with. At least the previous one about a year ago would empower us with some powerful relationships strategies.

Could it be that the therapist does not believe in relationships or is an advocate of singleness and freedom etc etc? How therefore, as a client do I ascertain such beforehand (if possible)? Can a therapist just tell the clients to just give up on their relationship just because we have two differing solutions to a particualr issue?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

TC, sounds like you have met a badly trained and unskilled therapist. Maybe the two of you, for a similar fee to what she charges, should offer to provide her with som counselling, instead. yes, therapists can at times get their private life and opinions tangled up in their job of helping others, and it is their job to make sure that this doesnt happen, and, if it does, to recognize it and to work through these issues --- it's not your job to need to do so.
Maybe you need to give up on this therapist, and tell her / him that you have found her too pessimistic and unhelpful, and would prefer to see someone better able to be helpful to you.

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Our users say:
Posted by: TC | 2004/11/09

Thanks Matthew. We sure will be glad to hear what the Cybershrink has to say.

Such kind of issues as finding oneself caring too much about what other people say or think about one, are some of the things we sought professional advice on (dealing with perfectionism) and above all as young adults we sought to learn from the professional on how to better handle challenges in our relationship in future (best practices and/or strategies).

After all who cares really what the best practices or warawara about relationship challenges (though one is seeking to maximise happiness and do next to none to hurt their partner)? Again Thank you Matthew.

Reply to TC
Posted by: Matthew | 2004/11/09

If you are happy with your relationship and it is workjing for you then who cares what the therapist says anyway. Be proud of your achievement of being in a happy relationship with someone you care about. If you are happy together that is the most important. I find myself worrying so much about what other people think of me, meanwhile, I shouldn't really care because I'm special just like you.
Every therapist will try to givce their honest opinion of what they think is good for the patient, are they always right?? No. Am I? No. But I can go off on what you say though.
You sound so prosperous in your current relationship that it seems absurd to be this bothered if a therapist has that attitude towards you and your partner.
You're therapist says the relationship should end, even though you two are so commited to your relationship that you're cool enough to make it even better. Sounds like your therapist is not being sensible at all.
Follow your heart, if you are happy in your relationship, why would you need to listen to someone else trying to convince you that it's not good for you?
Cybershrink, got any ideas? :)

Reply to Matthew

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