Posted by: RC | 2003/12/04

THE TRUTH (REF3/12/03)

Thank you all for the reply's. The only reason I wanted to let my son know is that I don't want anyone else to tell him about everything that happenend and another reason is that THAT SIDE of the family is trying to bad mouth me to my son and influence him to be rude to me. To me it seems like they get pleasure in hurting me and I don't want them to do the same things to my child as they did to me. Simple things like spending his birthday with me is not allowed as THEY want to see him. They try and outsmart me in every way. For Christmas they give his presents before I do and christmas day is spent with his father and the fathers family and I must spend it alone. This is a special time for family yet they are trying to break us up and still trying to hurt me.

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Our expert says:
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it's very understandable that you find these things hurtful. If your son hears any bad things from them first, it'll occur to him that you have not ben saying bad things about them ; if you keep a good relationship with him, he should feel free to discuss it with you, and ask for your side of things. And Mona has it right --- saying bad things can rebound ; but you have no need to say good things, specially not to cover up for his shortcomings.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Mona | 2003/12/04

Hi, my ex also did a load of crappy things to me, and i would just love to tell my son so that he knows what a arse his dad is, but you know, at the end of the day he isnt going to understand what you say, and he is gonna think you are making it up and he is gonna dislike you for say his dad is bad. So i dont tell my son all the crap things, but i certainly dont cover up for the ex either. If he doesnt pitch for his weekends, i dont make excuses like oh his car broke or whatever. I dont say nice things bout his dad, just as much as i dont say bad. When he is older (15 or 16) and wants to know why we got divorced, i'll just tell him that there were better men in the world to live with!!

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Posted by: sherry | 2003/12/04

here is my 2c worth; my husbands daughter lived with her ouma for 2 yrs during this time he was not allowed any contact with her, and she was told on a daily basis how terrible her father was and what terrible things he had done.
After a legal battle of note she now lives with us, and she loves her father so much and never once has aloud these peoples stories make her belive otherwise and she is 10yrs old.
Trust me kids are not stuiped if they belive in you and trust and love you nothing anyone says will take them away from you.
My step daughter of course asked alot of question and that was when we told her the truth, but never once do we insult or put down her mother and ouma.

Good luck and god bless

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