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Question
Posted by: RC | 2003/12/03

The TRUTH

I have had a terrible past with the father of my son before he was born and not only with his father but also his family especially his mother whom he now stays with and supports. I want to desperately let my child know about what they have done to me but I don't want to tell him at a very young age as this might damage him mentally and emotionally. What age do you think is right for him to know the truth as the truth might have him hating my in laws as well as his father.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

RC, telling your son at a very young age might not damage him significantly, but he's not likely to really properly understand this sort of thing until he's around adult, is he ? There's no "best age", but somewhere in adolescence is usually better, especially when it's after the child has begun to notice problems and ask about the relationships concerned. You don't need to tell him the bad things --- if they are bad people and behave badly, he will see it for himself.

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Our users say:
Posted by: R C | 2003/12/04

Thank you all for the reply's. The only reason I wanted to let my son know is that I don't want anyone else to tell him about everything that happenend and another reason is that THAT SIDE of the family is trying to bad mouth me to my son and influence him to be rude to me. To me it seems like they get pleasure in hurting me and I don't want them to do the same things to my child as they did to me. Simple things like spending his birthday with me is not allowed as THEY want to see him. They try and outsmart me in every way. For Christmas they give his presents before I do and christmas day is spent with his father and the fathers family and I must spend it alone. This is a special time for family yet they are trying to break us up and still trying to hurt me.

Reply to R C
Posted by: J | 2003/12/03

Why would you want your child to know what they have done to you? Is it because you want to make sure that he never "goes to their side"? I know this is tempting but dont do it. Give your son a positive and happy upbringing and only tell him what he wants to know about. There is no point in making him try and hate his father or that side of his family. The truth has a way of making itself known and your son will respect and love you even more for not bringing it to his attention on purpose. He will know what went on one day.

Reply to J
Posted by: Juzlisen | 2003/12/03

Hi

Give your child all the love you can - and no never make them look bad in his eyes. The truth is always no matter what and your child is growing he will see things for himself as he grows older.

Reply to Juzlisen
Posted by: Therod | 2003/12/03

I agree with all the above. Only tell him if he asks, and then only lightly go over it. Divert his attention to you loving him and the great family life you guys have.

Reply to Therod
Posted by: lady nina | 2003/12/03

hi there

why would you want to tell him? surely you are the better person!

nina

Reply to lady nina
Posted by: just wondering | 2003/12/03

Dear Truth-Why not break the the cycle of hatred now? Just surround your child with as much love as you can. The wheel or truth turns for everybody and what one sows one will surely reap. Your son's father and his family will not escape this old truth. Good luck!

Reply to just wondering
Posted by: Kernel | 2003/12/03

Only tell him when he ask about it. There is no advantage in telling him about negative things that happened in the past and how bad his family is - rather concentrate on the positive things that you could tell him.

Reply to Kernel

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