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Question
Posted by: NN | 2004/11/03

The "other" girl

I need some advise because I don't know whether I am over-reacting. My boyfriend keeps on getting sms's from this other girl. He says that she is one of his friends that live in Cape Town. He insists that she is "crazy" and that she is only his friend. If she is "only" his friend, then why does she sms him every night. She sms's late at night and he always puts his phone on silent during the night and on weekends. He says that he is not messing me around and she is just a friend. What should I do?

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Our expert says:
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If she's craxy or not, he can still tell her that her SMS are becoming a nuisance and spoiling his relationship with you, and aask her to stop. It sounds suspicious to me, and I'd tell him there is no need for it to continue, or for him to be secretive about it, if it's all innocent.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Tboz | 2004/11/03

To add to CuteOne's response i'm also in the same position . I'm dating a man who sneaks out to make calls at night or sometimes puts his cellphone on silent when he's with me. For a year he's been getting calls and sms's from a girl who's suppose to be an ex- girlfriend. So girl you need to do something about it, put a stop to it or you're gonna get hurt.

Reply to Tboz
Posted by: CuteOne | 2004/11/03

NN, not to burst your bubble or anything, am in a similar situation myself. When I met him he was with somebody else and was a playa and very good looking. We felt quite strongly about each and decided we needed to be with each other, we both broke free from our other situations. He led me to believe I was all he ever needed to change his ways, from my side he was all I ever needed to share my life with. So it balanced, or so I thought, this must have been almost two years back. As I am posting this response, am nursing a broken heart, he cheated on me, as if this was not enough, he impregnated this other girl. He lies through his teeth, I have caught him a number of times sneaking to make calls to his ex and another ex-girlfriend. Now question is, will he ever change, if so what will it take to make this miracle happen? All I'm saying is, take everything with a pinch of salt.

Reply to CuteOne
Posted by: Snooks | 2004/11/03

jy=hy

Reply to Snooks
Posted by: Snooks | 2004/11/03

VIr al wat jy weet ontvang hy nie net sms'e van die "crazy girl" af nie...hmmm...dalk knyp hy meer katte in die donker! En in elk geval om jou selfoon op silence te sit....dan steek jy defnitief iets weg!

Cherio
Snooks

Reply to Snooks
Posted by: Kernel | 2004/11/03

I think he is telling you the same story he tells all the other girls - and they so very much want to believe it!

He is a player and that is the way players operate. But if you really want to find out about the latest girl's SMS's go and check if he has responded to any of them. Nobody will SMS someone else continuously if there is no response.

Reply to Kernel
Posted by: Zee | 2004/11/03

I agree with Shaun. Dump him as soon as possible, otherwise u wont like to know what will happen to you in 1 yrs time when u are still with him.

The fact is He is a playa, and dont believe anything that he tells you. suRELY HE WILL TELL U ALL THE GOOD THINGS ABOUT YOU TO KEEP YOU AROUND, CANT u see that?.

Please girl, use ur head to make decisions like this, and not allow ur heart to deceive you. He is just playing with ur mind

Reply to Zee
Posted by: P | 2004/11/03

As jy dieselfde doen sal sy ego te groot wees om dit te kan hanteer.



Lekker arrogante ou met wie jy jou mee ophou.

Reply to P
Posted by: Shaun | 2004/11/03

That does not excuse this situation.

My opinion is that being a playa is almost as good as being an addict. Its the thrill that makes one get caught up in it. But as I said, it's my opinion. If you take this into consideration, then I would say that you do your best to put a stop to this as soon as possible.

Just my 2 cents...

Take care,
Shaun

Reply to Shaun
Posted by: NN | 2004/11/03

I know that I should not be worried if he insists that she is just a friend. But he told me that he used to be a player and he could have any girl he wanted and he was going out with someone when he met me. Apparently I changed him and he has never met anyone like me before and I am the only person he won't cheat on. He is one of those guys who are good looking and charming so naturally the girls will go after him and he will persue. I would like to believe that he has changed and that he loves me but am I setting myself up for hurt?

Reply to NN
Posted by: coco | 2004/11/03

Been there too, if you don't find out what's going on NOW you're going to have alot of headaches in future.

Reply to coco
Posted by: enigma | 2004/11/03

Where there is smoke, there is fire. Been there, believe me, there is something fishy up. Have you read any of the sms's

Reply to enigma
Posted by: Shaun | 2004/11/03

Very true Haha, that's why I asked if she otherwise trusts him.

Regards,
Shaun

Reply to Shaun
Posted by: haha | 2004/11/03

Come on Shauny... just cause he says she lives in Cape Town, don't make it so!

Reply to haha
Posted by: maybe | 2004/11/03

oh maybe, becoz he gets so many sms's(which is fine) and the beeping is irritating. just maybe

Reply to maybe
Posted by: Shaun | 2004/11/03

Hey NN,

Thanx for you response, much appreciated.

Seeing as this is the case, do you feel you really have much to worry about? I mean, can you otherwise trust him?

I ask this coz often, sms's have become very similar to on-line dating, chatting or flirting. He is also probably putting his phone on silent coz he maybe aprehensive of your reaction.

Tell him straight-forward how you feel about this, & let him know that his behaviour is making you become suspicious about him & his activities, & this is what you don't like.

Like on-line dating, these do have the tendency to lead to dates or meeting in person. I would suggest that if you don't like this, then do your best to stop it as soon as you can.

Take care,
Shaun

Reply to Shaun
Posted by: P | 2004/11/03

Having teh phone on silent normally onely means one thing in this situation: He is hiding incoming calls/sms's from you and maybe does not want you to know about it so that you cannot put him under pressure to end it.

Reply to P
Posted by: NN | 2004/11/03

My boyfriend and I live in Jo'burg

Reply to NN
Posted by: Shaun | 2004/11/03

Hi NN,

She is in Cape Town, where are you?

Regards,
Shaun

Reply to Shaun

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