Our expert says:
If you truly seek to understand the mind of an abuser, look within yourself.
I don't understand your way of thinking, and tend to agree with Vickee, Maria and RP. How could you "not understand" your husband objecting to you going out with a group of slutty pals to het drunk and laid ? What sort of marriage would it be if he found that acceptable behaviour on your side ? What you were doing to him was abusive --- you were the abuser, at the start.
You are not any longer a rebellious teenage child --- you're a grown and married woman --- with 2 children. Can't you tell the difference ? By what sort of twisted logic do you go out boozing and sleeping with others all night if you want to be "desired" by your husband ? You expect unconditional and unquestioining agreement from him, whatever you do or say. That is totally unreasonable and unrealistic. And then you describe him as "abusive" because he stopped getting angry or emotional when you were abusing him and your marriage ? It sounds as though your main intentions were to anger and hurt him, and you grew frustrated when he didn't display anger and hurt. And you get cross with him when he doesn't take your hurtful calls ?
You have been amazingly lucky to have a saintly husband who, according to your own story, has had to put up with cruel provocation and neglect by you, of him and the children. Many men would have been far more physically violent towards you. I'm not saying that physical violence between spouses is acceptable, but you are describing a long program of intolerable provication by you, and a very limited response by him.
If you have the slightest scrap of human intelligence, how can you describe all tis and then ask whether this could have been frustrating to him ? Of course it was, and it would probably be very hard for you to find ways to be more frustrating to him.
I feel very sorry for him and for your children --- the woman you describe is a lousy wife and a dreadful mother. He should continue with counselling and consult a lawyer to free himself and the children from an uncaring wife and mother. You sound utterly selfish and lacking in any form of consideration for others, immature and uncaring.
So, to return to your question, why are you an abuser ?
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