Posted by: Charmaine | 2008/10/03

The guy from the past

I' ve been married to my husband for over 5yrs now, 8yrs ago when we were still dating I met a guy I really really liked. At the time I couldn' t quit the relationship I had with hubby. I wanted the guy so bad and I felt like he pressured me to immediately leave my boyfriend at the time and be with him. I needed more time and he didn' t wait and went ahead and dated another women from our office.
All this yrs I' ve been wondering about him, we' ll just say hi to each other via email. Just this week we started communicating and I realized that I like this guys very much even now. I' m married and he' s also married to the lady from our office.
I wish it was easier to be together and explore how we feel about each other cause there' s something there. I' ve been wondering about this guy forever and now I want to stop wondering. I beat myself up everyday for not leaving hubby then to be with this guy. Sometimes I feel he' s the guy that was made for me...I want him and I' lll get a divorce anytime to be with him. This is disturbing, how do I deal with this guy and how I feel about him. I get butterflies in my tummy just by thinking about!!

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

He pressured you, he expected you to dump a p[erfectly nice boyfriend, and he didn't wait --- NOT desirable behaviours. And now he is also married, you still find him tempting ? Are you feeling fodn of a fantasy or a reality ? Bob's Girlfriend makes a load of good sense. YOu may walk out on your marriage and find out he's NOT as great as you imagine, and he could walk out on you again.
Be realistic and grateful for what you have.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Estelle | 2008/10/03

Oh dear, not an easy situation. But you will only make things worse by continuing to live in what-if world. It would have been wrong of him to pressure you into leaving your then boyfriend. That means you would have started off your relationship on the wrong foot and ended up in the wrong sort of marriage. You have no idea what is it like to be married to this guy or if you two were destined to be good together. Focus on the realities - you chose yr husband and that is the husband you have. If you divorce him it cannot be for some longstanding crush. U are not in love with this man, you have a weakness for him. U say ther is sthing there but the truth is u do not LOVE this man. How do u leave someone u have an established relationship with for someone u have a crush on?

U say yrself he just went ahead and started dating sum1 else fm the office. Just like that. Why was it so easy for him to move on? Have u asked yrslf that question?
The grass is always greener on the other side. U must be careful bcoz the more you live in what-if land, the worse your own marriage will look.

Say u ‘ go with the flow’  - U will be consumed by guilt for leaving yr husband, u will discover things about this crush which r totally offputting, u will feel like there is no justification for the price u paid. For u to be with him means two marriages are broken. Worth it?

U could leave yr husband 4 any number of reasons, just not this one. There is simply not enough justification and I think u probably know that deep down. Don’ t hurt yrslf anymore than u r doing now, stop being in touch with this man and turn yr attention to the blessings u already have.

I wish u luck I know it is not easy.

Reply to Estelle
Posted by: T | 2008/10/03

Do yourself a favour and read through your post, as though it was someone elses. What would you say?

Reply to T
Posted by: Bob' s Girlfriend | 2008/10/03

You stop emailing and communicating and waisting your time. Take the effort and time and put it into your marriage.

What if you do divorce your husband and this man is NOT what you want him to be?

Reply to Bob&#39 s Girlfriend

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